Review #17 - Floyd’s Dairy Bar (AKA: The Gorging)

Posted by Burger Boy | | Posted On Wednesday, April 15, 2009 at 1:13 PM

Everyone’s idea of the ideal burger joint differs. Some people like an expensive burger served in a location with a fancy ambiance. Some people are just hungry while others are just cheap. For those who are both hungry and cheap, Floyd’s is for you. I for one am a big believer in quantity over quality, especially if the price is right. And the price is right at Floyd’s Dairy Bar, 1304 Goliad Rd San Antonio, TX 78223. As the restaurant reminds you in at least 1,024 places (yes, that’s 2^10 places), you can get five (5) hamburgers for $2.75.

Such cheap food means I always have to eat five (5) cheeseburgers (I spring for the cheese which runs me $3.75). Then I eat tots and fries. And a dreamsicle. The food may not be the fanciest or the tastiest, but at least when I’m finished, I feel like I’ve had something to eat. And that, my friends, is a wonderful feeling.

Burger - 5 out of 10.

Floyd’s has a variety of burgers. The 5 for $2.75 deal gets you five basic hamburgers about the size of a big mac at McDonald’s. The burgers actually taste a lot like a big mac. Frankly, even a day later while looking at this burger I am literally salivating.

The burgers are delicious and greasy.

These bags were soon to be transparent and lose all structural integrity. Floyd’s delicious grease eats through paper like the blood from those aliens in those movies starring Sigourney Weaver eats through steel.

These are not the best burgers I’ve ever eaten, but at $0.55 each, anybody who complains should be forced to eat nothing but vegetables for a week.

Floyd’s does offer larger burgers. However, if quantity is king, then opt for the five (5) burger deal. The larger burgers aren’t enough larger to make up for there being only one (1) of them.

Did I mention that there were a lot of burgers?

Sides - 5 out of 10.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the sides, like the burgers, were greasy and cheap. In fact, because they stick your packets of ketchup on top of the sides, Hamburglar had a very difficult time opening his ketchup packets because the sheen of grease precluded the firm grip necessary to rip them open. We mocked him for this. Mercilessly.

These were their fries. Crispy, but they needed salt.

These were their tots. They were crunchy, but not superb. Fry Daddy notes that this picture of tater tots is “the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen.” Fry Daddy is married--at least until his wife reads this.

Ambiance - 6 out of 10.

I suppose if you’re going to sell five (5) burgers for $2.75, you’ve got to keep overhead low. If Floyd’s overhead were any lower, he’d be cooking burgers on a charcoal Weber grill in a parking lot. The place is basically a cinder block shack.

One of the best things about visiting Floyd’s is that everybody eating at Floyd’s knows and loves the place. The place filled up fast. By which I mean that people loitered in the parking lot waiting for their burgers to be done. In general, the locals were very friendly, though on our last visit Burgermeister Meisterburger arrived early and alone. He refused to exit his vehicle until the rest of our party arrived.

On this occasion, we met one fellow who said that he’d been eating there since he was a child. He noted that “My dad had 6 kids, so Floyd’s was the answer to the man’s prayers!” In addition to Mr. One of Six, we also enjoyed visiting with a 7-foot man in boots and wranglers and a group of tattooed drug dealers who rolled up in a shiny Cadillac (10 burgers, to go).

Prefers His Tots Tatered had this to say: “An outsider might see this a bit too high on the rankings, but Floyd's has a certain charm about it. There isn't much to the place, just a kitchen and some tables outside, but it works. Just don't go after dark.”

In case you were tempted to put money into the empty candy machine, Floyd’s wants you to know it is out of order.

Don’t hurt yourself, because if you do, Floyd’s would like you to know you are on your own. I do wonder what sort of "accidents" or "injuries" they anticipate? Gunshot wounds? I don't think the owners would feel safe leaving their bombproof enclosure.

Price - 10 out of 10.

Floyd’s cannot be beaten on price. Ever. Except by itself, in the past. One of Six told us the price used to be five (5) burgers for $1. I cried when I heard that. I wish I could go back in time and eat five (5) burgers for $1. At the moment I’d settle for going back in time to yesterday and eating five (5) more Floydburgers.

Did I mention that this cost $0.70?


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