San Antonio Burger Blog

Review # 52 - Cullum's AttaBoy

2011-12-07T14:13:00.014-06:00

Cullum’s AttaBoy isn’t a burger joint. In fact, it’s not any kind of joint. Sometimes materializing in downtown San Antonio in the form of a converted Airstream trailer, at other times setting up shop at Tucker’s Kozy Korner on E. Houston Street, Cullum’s AttaBoy is more of a burger lifeforce that sweeps around San Antonio, latching at times onto unsuspecting people and inanimate objects and filling them with delicious greasy goodness.

On a recent sunny afternoon in a park downtown, our group of bloggers became temporary hosts to the AttaBoy lifeforce. Lining up outside of the trailer, we took turns ducking our heads under a string of colorful flags advertising alcohol to give our orders to the heavily tattooed cook. As we waited, the smell of our cooking burgers mingled with the wonderland of odors that is a downtown park. It was a magical moment.

Cullum’s offers a variety of burger options, as well as sweet potato and regular fries. Here’s our take:

Burger – 7.5

In my opinion, the Cullum’s burger is DYN-O-MITE. The meat, cooked medium to medium well, was well-seasoned (specifically, it had a distinct peppery flavor, although that may have been partly due to the bacon). Cheddar, thinly sliced onions, thick bacon and a delicious (flax seed?) bun all contributed to a satisfying experience. This burger is JUICY, so anyone afraid to get their hands dirty will want to stay away.

Here’s what other reviewers had to say:

Hamburglar – A great burger pumped out from a converted Airstream in downtown San Antonio, who would have thunk it? The burger was exquisitely greasy and juicy with a fantastically toasted bun to boot. The cheese was perfectly melted via the chef’s special technique, which resulted in a patty that was perfectly covered with cheese. I guess one word sums it up –AttaBoy!

WTB – Liked the “hipster” choices on the menu. Mine had some kind of onion-bacon marmalade. Great bun, toasted and buttery. Very greasy, but I view that as a positive.

Burger Boy – The burger was an absolute grease-fest. And I liked it. I also gave this burger an extra bump for having a fried egg on it (i.e., the “bird on a bun”).

The burger had one detractor – Flying Dutchman (a.k.a., Negative Nancy) – whose general disdain for all things wholesome and good has finally tainted his ability to appreciate a delicious burger. Upon finishing his burger, he commented in disgust, “Much like the women Hamburglar dated in college, this burger was greasy and there was nothing special about it. Unlike the women Hamburglar dated in college, this Burger was expensive.” After saying this, he left the picnic table on which we were seated to go and try to buy drugs off a nearby park-dweller.

Sides – 5.0

The sides got mixed ratings from our group. The tempura fried sweet potato fries looked oddly familiar but didn’t quite do it for me, although Hamburglar and Where’s the Beef liked them. The regular fries received only lukewarm reviews.

Here’s an overview of the comments:

Hamburglar – I was impressed with the tempura style sweet potato fries that resulted in a unique taste somewhere between a funnel cake and a French fry. Unfortunately, the regular fries were fairly ordinary.

WTB – This place succeeded where Bunsen Burgers failed – tempura-coated sweet potato fries. They were excellent, but also very greasy. The regular fries were pretty good too. Had some kind of different seasoning on them – nutmeg perhaps?

Flying Nancy – I ordered the regular fries and they were entirely tasteless. They lacked salt and flavor, but compensated with calories. I also tried the sweet potato fries, but even these were only marginally better.

Burger Boy – The fries were tempura-style. I must confess that I don’t like tempura fries. This was my second encounter with them (Bunsen Burgers being the first), and the situation hasn’t improved. They always seem to need more flavor (my code word for “salt and pepper”). Since condiments were scarce (we each got 1 or 2 packets of ketchup), there wasn’t much I could do to improve the fries myself.

Ambiance – N/A

Since AttaBoy isn’t exactly a restaurant (we ate on a dirty park bench near the trailer), it doesn’t seem appropriate to give it a separate rating for ambiance. As Burger Boy put it, “This burger is prepared and served from a gulfstream trailer that had alighted during our lunch by a park downtown. Since we ate with a number of other folks who weren’t working (and from the looks of things, hadn’t worked in a while), I don’t feel right giving a rating for ambiance – though the cigarette butts and Q-Tips strewn around under our park bench were a nice touch.”

While most bloggers were willing to adjust to the atypical locale and seating arrangements, Nancy the Flying Dutchgirl felt it necessary to air some grievances: “I get that it’s a food truck, but it’s inconveniently located near a park and adjoining hospital. Your seating options are limited (we were fortunately able to snag a picnic table).” After saying this, he punched out an elderly man who was walking by with his dog.

Overall, AttaBoy left us (or those of us not already deeply entrenched in a pattern of negativism and self-destructive behavior) happy and our bellies full. So next time you see a trailer pull up next to a park downtown and you smell tantalizing odors coming from inside (and you verify that it is not just a mobile meth lab), pull up a park bench and treat yourself to the delicious goodness of Cullum’s AttaBoy.

NOTE TO THE READER: A few things about AttaBoy were vaguely familiar to those of us who have been part of the SABB since its inception – the tempura sweet potato fries, the homemade buns adorned with an indeterminate variety of seed, the bearded head chef inside the trailer.

It was only upon our return that we chanced upon an article on mysanantonio.com (in particular, photo #2 and the accompanying text).

Yes, San Antonio, AttaBoy is the phoenix that rose from the ashes of Bunsen Burgers. While the move from a prime retail strip mall location to an old trailer may seem like a step in the wrong direction, it appears to the SABB that AttaBoy is better for the experience – wiser, more mature, and – let’s be honest – a whole lot more delicious. While SABB stands 100% behind its previous review of Bunsen Burgers, we bear its former proprietor no ill will and are delighted to partake in the tasty results of his new venture. All we can say now is: AttaBoy, Cullum. AttaBoy.

Review # 51 - Best Burger

2011-06-20T14:28:00.007-05:00

Best Burger, located at 3401 Pleasanton Road, generated a lot of anticipation among our burger enthusiasts. Fresh off the heels of our comeback review of FattBoy's, morale was high among our burger-devouring forces as we headed to the South Side location of this neighborhood staple. We prepared our minds to enter Best Burger, fully aware that if the burger lived up to the name of the establishment in which it is crafted, we may be about to experience the best burger this side of the Adriatic.

Burger - 6.0

Unfortunately, the burger did not live up to its name, but don't let the disappointment of our lofty expectations dissuade you too much. Best Burger produces a solid burger at a very reasonable price, and perhaps we were a bit overzealous in expecting the "Roman Emperor" of burgers going into this joint. The burger was considered by all to be above average and contained all the necessary components of a satisfactory burger: a well-cooked yet juicy, flavorful patty; fresh toppings; and a buttery toasted bun. While we all left satisfied, the burger's above average yet unspectacular components combined to create an end product that fell short of the upper echelon of San Antonio burgers. Burger Boy summed it up best when he commented, "If I were in the area I’d eat at Best Burger waaay before I’d eat at Griff’s or McD’s any day. But I wouldn’t drive across town just to eat this burger."

Sides - 4.5

The sides were less impressive. The fries were greasy, grainy, and overall quite mediocre. The onion rings were slightly better, but still bad enough to keep average sides score below a 5. There was really not much worth mentioning about the sides, so I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Fry Daddy: The fries had a grainy texture, and the onion rings weren’t much better.

Ambiance - 3.5

Our bloggers found the ambiance to be the worst part of the Best Burger experience. The building is a stand-alone structure and as we approached, we noted the potential for a down home-burger joint was all there: freshly painted red brick exterior; an old, weather-worn, character-filled sign proclaiming "Best Burger"; and lots of old-school looking tin that gave the place an authentic Texas appearance. As we pulled into the parking lot, our hopes sank a little. The place appeared to be lacking any sort of character other than a self-advertisement hanging from the roof and some odd, Easter-themed "shoe polish" art that graced the windows.

Once inside, it became clear to us that appearance and character were not major priorities for this establishment. Although an American flag was painted on the window, the cinder blocks and white paint in this joint brought to mind a more Soviet-esque picture of soulless utilitarianism. Other bloggers had the same reaction:

Where's the Beef: Reminded me of when I worked at a county prison for a summer job in high school.

Fry Daddy: To arrive at a rating for ambience, we must look deep into the very soul of a burger joint and try to somehow quantify what we see there. Best Burger, however, is housed in a soulless cinderblock building where a tireless burger machine spits out gigantic, greasy, by-the-book hamburgers. The only reason I don’t give Best Burger a lower rating here is my fear that that soulless machine will become sentient and try to destroy me.

Flying Dutchman: Much like Newt Gingrich, this burger joint completely lacked character.

Review #50 - Fattboy Burgers & Dogs

2011-05-04T14:51:00.012-05:00

We’re back…

But, that is NOT us in the picture above. Have you forgotten that we are anonymous burger bloggers who lovingly post reviews about burger joints in San Antonio? Since we haven’t written anything new in months, it is understandable how you might forget. We apologize for the hiatus. Luckily for all of us (you included, dear reader), while we were on a break several new burger joints have sprung up in San Antonio, and we have been reinvigorated to explore these strange new dives, to seek out new burger life and new burger civilizations, to boldly go where no burger blogger has gone before…

The first stop on this renewed burger train is Fattboy Burgers & Dogs located at 2345 Vance Jackson Road. We showed up a little before the lunch time rush and before we knew it, there wasn’t an open table in the place. Word to the wise, get there before noon, or you might be relegated to the outside seating, which during the San Antonio summers can make for a sweat drenched burger adventure. Regardless, a crowd must mean that this burger joint is producing a great burger, right? My answer is a resounding Yes.

The Burger - 8 out of 10

The Fattboy looks to be a no frills burger joint, but I wouldn’t describe the burger as “no frills” by any means. They claim to use fresh, never frozen, Angus beef, and, after tasting the burger, I believe this claim must be true. The ½ pound flavorful beef patty had a great crumbly texture and just the right amount of juiciness. In addition to the fresh beef, the owner informed us that they use the smash technique on the beef while it is on the griddle. Fattboy’s smash technique results in a thick patty with a seared crust - simply smashing. The appropriately griddled sesame seed bun on my Fattboy with cheese was like icing on the cake. Well done, Fattboy, well done.

But don’t just take my word for it:

Fry Daddy - The Fattboy is a no-frills burger that knocks it out of the park by focusing on the fundamentals. The Angus beef patty was moist and hot and, thankfully, had not had the living daylights pounded out of it by the Fattchef, so it fell apart deliciously in my mouth. The bun was toasted on both sides, and the burger was held together by ample amounts of melted cheddar cheese.

Burger Boy - The griddle-fried crumbly angus patty was greasy and delicious. I especially enjoyed that asking for “all the way” got you about 8 different condiments, automatically because I don’t like to delay my eating by naming every single side.

Caesar Angus-tus - Everything you want in a patty – juicy, flavorful, and hearty. Only complaint: a little too greasy.

Sides - 6 out of 10

Well, you can’t win them all. The hand cut fries had potential, but fell a bit short in the execution department. We’re not saying the fries were bad; they were just missing that certain something. Fry Daddy summed it up best: “The fries were decent but unspectacular and the rings were a bit of a disappointment, tasting very much like those you might buy at Burger King.”

On the plus side, if you consider ice cream a side, Fattboys offers up a good selection of our home state’s very own Blue Bell. We opted to skip dessert with lunch on this particular trip, mostly because the burger was so filling, but also because the Fattboy above looked so menacing with the ice cream. We’ll have to sample the ice cream next time, once we build up our courage.

Ambiance – 7 out of 10

(come sit beneath the Fattboy and take your pummeling)

I’d call it a little jazzed up no-frills ambiance with a friendly atmosphere. A place to come and get your grub on and then get back to business. Here’s what the other bloggers thought:

Fry Daddy- Nothing amazing in terms of atmosphere, although the local artwork on the walls was a nice touch. However, the friendliness of the proprietors (one of whom took our order and one of whom served us our burgers, and both of whom were very eager to please) bumps this rating up a couple points. Next time I vow to order something off of the very tempting Wall of Ice Cream.

Burger Boy- Standard strip mall décor, with some pretty cool hip-hop (urban?) style artwork on the walls.

Caesar Angus-tus - The décor was a good mix of local sports homage and quirky art that made for a down-home burger joint feel.

Review# 49 - Billy T's

2010-07-02T10:53:00.018-05:00

The Phoenix Rises

As some of our more loyal and long-suffering readers may have noticed, it has been a long spell since our last post. This delay has been caused in part by our inherent laziness—we like eating burgers more than writing about them, and in part because we are running out of burger joints here in San Antonio that we haven’t already reviewed. We’re not entirely sure if our readers want to hear about our latest trip to Fatty’s.

Fatty’s, by the way, is still excellent. I really enjoyed the Heisman burger I had there yesterday. And while we’re on the subject of Fatty’s, we thought we’d take this opportunity to suggest that everybody head out to the “All American Burger Festival” which is going to be held at Fatty’s on July 10th from 11am-7pm. There will be feats of eating as well as burger-cooking contests, so it sounds like it should be awesome. More info is at http://www.saburgerfest.com/.

But I digress. We were running out of burger joints, and had even begun considering reviewing chains like smashburger or the flagship burgers at non-burger joints (La Tuna comes to mind) when we discovered that Billy T’s is back.

For those who may be newish to San Antonio, Billy T’s was quite the institution. Generations of kids grew up eating his burgers and rooting around in the sandbox at his Austin Highway location. Then, a few years ago, Billy T’s closed its doors and transformed into a restaurant called “Purple Garlic.” I’m not sure what they serve there, but given the suspicious sounding name and its proximity to Pizza Hut, I suspect it may be one of those medical marijuana dispensaries. Oh wait, I’m confusing “purple garlic” with “purple haze.” My bad—Purple Garlic may be a delicious restaurant. Of course, I wouldn’t know because it isn’t a burger joint. There, I said joint.

But I digress yet again from the main point of this article, which, believe it or not, is Billy T’s. Which is back again. In case I didn’t mention that. So Billy T’s is back and in an all new, much more upscale location at 1826 Nacogdoches, San Antonio, Texas 78209.

We were excited to try this new version of the old restaurant to see if, among other things, 1) it was as good as it was before, 2) you could still order the “Rhino Burger” and 3) whether it was still under the same ownership. Not to give anything away, but the answers to 1 and 3 were yes. The answer to two is a bit more complicated, and has generated what we are calling the “Hunt for the Rhino.” (And no, we are not out searching for Olympia Snow).

Burger-7 out of 10

Mr. T’s burger (to avoid confusion with another Mr. T., I’ll refer to him as “Billy” from now on) was solid. My fellow Americans and burger reviewers noted that it was “heavy on the condiments, decently seasoned and ultimately quite satisfying.” The burger reminded another reviewer of “something you might make on an outdoor barbecue grill—I’d gladly eat this burger again.”

But enough about the burger, I think we should focus on the “Hunt for the Rhino.” A little background may be needed for those who haven’t been to Billy T’s. Back at the Austin Highway location, you could order a little off the menu item called the Rhino Burger. This consisted of two beef patties, a grilled chicken breast, a fried chicken breast, bacon and cheese between two buns. Apparently, it was quite popular with the local athletes who felt that, in addition to protein, they also needed clogged arteries.

When we arrived, we noted that the Rhino was not listed on the menu, which was no surprise whatsoever. It had always been an off-the-menu item. We asked the guy behind the counter if there had been any Rhino sightings lately. It turns out that he knew all about the Rhino because he used to work at the old Billy T’s. But he said we couldn’t order it at the new Billy T’s. We asked why and he was more than a little bit evasive. Almost as if this Rhino was the “burger that shall not be named.”

"Curiouser and Curiouser!" Cried Burger Boy (he was so much surprised, that for the moment he quite forgot how to speak good English).

You can bet this was curious, and a topic of conversation during our meal.

Eventually, the owner came by to talk with us. Turns out he owned the old Billy T’s and sold the land to pursue other business ventures but eventually decided to open a new Billy T’s. We figured he would know all about the Rhino, so we asked. To our surprise, he professed ignorance of the Rhino. How is this possible? Was the Rhino a secret burger prepared covertly by the staff? We’d love to hear your memories of the Rhino Burger as well as theories about its untimely demise.

Here are our favorite conspiracy theories:

Fry Daddy-Fry Daddy swears he has a friend who used to eat Rhino Burgers all day long. Fry Daddy thinks the owner denies its existence because it was too expensive to make, which drove the owner into bankruptcy and forced him to sell the old location.

Where’s the Beef-Mr. TheBeef was intrigued by talk of the “off menu” Rhino Burger. He notes that “The employee we asked seemed scared to even talk about it, and the owner denied its existence. My theory is that the Rhino Burger killed a patron, and as part of the ensuing settlement, Billy T’s is prohibited from selling the Rhino Burger or even mentioning the Rhino Burger’s former existence.”

Flying Dutchman—The Dutchman is our newest reviewer, so he writes like he is in kindergarten. I hope his grammar and thought-density improve over time. I quote him verbatim: “I just moved here from Wichita. I don’t know anything about Rhinos. I like San Antonio. It is better than Kansas. And also too, I love it when people say ‘We’re not in Kansas anymore.’”

Ambiance-5 out of 10

To be honest, ambiance was a little disappointing. The old Billy T’s was definitely a burger joint—by which I mean that it was dirty, dark, and the walls were covered with random crap. The place had real “lived in” feel. The new Billy T’s, by contrast, is well lit, clean, and somewhat sterile.

We discussed this with the owner, who agreed that the place needed a little work in the ambiance department. He assured us that over time he’d get more paraphernalia for the walls and that the place would soon have a more “broken in” feel to it.

Sides- 7.5 out of 10

The reviewers like Billy’s sides. I thought they were good, but could have used some more salt.

Flying Dutchman— I thought the fries were delicious (once you added a bit of salt). They also had a wide variety of offerings. They’ll put cheese on anything, which is a requirement of any dive burger peddler.

Where’s the Beef— I liked the fries, albeit with a little salt added. The tots were great, and they had an option to add cheese to any side. A very nice feature indeed. They had onion rings too, but none of us tried them.

Fry Daddy— Unlike most tater tots we get which have the living daylights fried out of them, the tater tots were not overdone but were light and crispy. The fries were okay but needed salt.

Reminder—If you can confirm the existence of Billy T’s Rhino burger, please sound off in the comments section below!

Review #48 - Crave Burger

2010-04-28T10:07:00.009-05:00

It's been a few months since the Burger Bloggers hit up the strip mall splendor of Crave Burger. (Both March Fatness and the laziness of a certain blogger are both to blame.) So if this place has significantly improved in the last 3 months, or conversely, if it has gotten so terrible that it no longer exists - my bad.

Crave Burger sits at the corner of Loop 410 and Babcock, smack dab in one of the more drab and tired looking strip malls we've visited. You can't tell from the picture, but you could see the letters of the previous tenant on the marquee - so I'm guessing the location is not exactly a primo spot. But, we've visisted diamonds in the rough before, so we went in with high hopes.

Ambiance: 5 If you can get over the strip mall location, the inside of the place wasn't too bad. It was clean, relatively modern, although not much in the way of personality. A few Betty Boop paintings on the walls were odd but weirdly endearing. Burger Boy aptly dubbed this place "strip mall chic", although we agreed it was heavy on the strip mall, light on the chic. There was also a strange lack of tables (only 2) versus tons of stools.

Burger: 6 Crave has a solid, if not spectactular burger. Probably above average, but not by much. We all appreciated the choice of a sourdough burger vs. the regular bun - although we noticed the bags that the regular buns came in looked suspiciously like those that can be bought at a local grocery store named after a certain body part.

We thought the burger was pretty juicy and the toppings were fresh - as you can see from the drool inducing photo below. Burger Boy gave his burger a 6 because he could put a fried egg on it - extra grease being the highway to Burger Boy's heart.

Sides: 6 Much like the burgers, the sides were good but not great. Fry Daddy popped a couple of hot tator tots into his mouth and was mostly impressed, although I think the hot grease might have burnt his taste buds and clouded his judgment, because the other bloggers weren't as impressed with the sides. A big disappointment was the lack of onion rings. We did appreciate the option of fresh potato chips, but we must have not cared that much because nobody ordered them.

Despite the uninspiring location, we all left with our bellies full. A solid burger, some hot tator tots - not a bad way to spend the lunch hour. (Just don't be the 3rd group to get there or you'll be sitting on a stool.)

Review #47: San Antonio Burger Co.

2010-04-13T16:19:00.022-05:00

Our quest to find San Antonio's best hamburger has taken us to a number of exotic locales, including Bracken and Helotes. Our recent venture to San Antonio Burger Co. did not offer similar culture, as it's located at a strip mall in the Medical Center area. We hoped its burger would make up for it.

San Antonio Burger Co. is considerably proud of its burger, which, at least according to its door, consists of 100% Black Angus Beef.

This prestigious designation is reserved for only the finest of burger purveyors, such as Carl's Jr. This piqued our interest. What delicious criteria distinguish 100% Black Angus meat products from the inferior meat peddlers?

In order to be labeled "Certified Angus Beef" by USDA Graders, the cattle must have: 1) less than 1,000 pound hot carcase weight; 2) less than one-inch fat thickness; 3) no hump on the neck exceeding 2 inches; and 4) no dark cutting characteristics. In addition to other criteria, the cattle must be practically free of capillary rupture. My mouth is watering already...

In case you're seeking something to eat that is totally free of capillary rupture, San Antonio Burger Co. offers a wide variety of menu options, including salads, cheesesteak, and hot wings.

But at the San Antonio Burger Blog, we stick with what we know--burgers. Here's what our bloggers thought about the 100% Angus Beef.

Burger: 4 out of 10

The burger was less than mediocre. It was undercooked and lacked flavor. When the most tasty part of the burger experience is the bun, you know you've got problems.

Here's what our bloggers thought:

Hamburglar: "The Certified Angus Beef sign on the window of the restaurant led me to believe that this burger was a contender for a top spot in our rankings, but after taking a bite I was sadly dissapointed. The burger lacked flavor and was even uninspiring. I gues Certified Angus Beef patties aren't all they're cracked up to be; hell, even McDonald's is selling them now."

Fry Daddy: "San Antonio Burger Co. seems like it's attempting to be the next gourmet burger joint in town, but it's a half-hearted attempt at best. The homemade artisan rolls have nothing on the fresh baked buns at Fatty's, Biff Buzby's or Gourmet Burger Grill. The critical burger-to-bun ration is way off. It seemed that each bite I took consisted mostly of bread. Perhaps this isn't entirely accurate, since the real problem may have been that the flavor of the bread completely overpowered the taste of the beef, which in my opinion was quite bland."

Burger Boy: "This burger was not spectacular, primarily because the meat was bland. Aside from the oversized bun, any old fast food chain could serve up a similar burger."

Sides: 6 out of 10

The sides were slightly above average. We were impressed by the variety of offerings. SABC offers fries, sweet potato fries, and onion rings. The regular fries had chili pepper seasoning, which was a nice feature. Our bloggers rated the sides as mediocre:

Hamburglar: "The Chili-pepper on the fries added some zing, but couldn't make up for the mediocre fry quality. The onion rings were undercooked and were difficult to take a bite of without pulling the entire ring out of the breading. You know the type."

Burger Boy: "I thought the fries were actually pretty decent, and the dusting of chili powder to the top gave them an extra zing."

Fry Daddy: "SABC's onion rings were muy terrible, but the sweet potato fries and regular fries were decent."

Ambience: 4.5 out of 10

SABC has all the ambience of a dentist's office waiting room. No one was impressed:

Hamburglar: "Just what I'd expect from a strip mall burger joint location."

Fry Daddy: "SABC has the decor of a fast food restaurant in a strip mall location."

Burger Boy: "Strip-mall sterile sums it up nicely."

If you don't live around the medical center area, you likely will never experience this mediocre burger establishment. But next time you decide to pull a vicious prank, consider ordering a dozen burgers and having them delivered to your unsuspecting nemesis.

Championship Game Results

2010-04-06T09:44:00.018-05:00

After weeks of bitter burger rivalries and arterial clogging, it is time to announce the 2010 March Fatness Champions for both the readers' and bloggers' brackets. And the winners are . . .

Readers' Bracket

After a vicious struggle between Gourmet Burger Grill and Fatty's in the second round that garnered literally thousands of votes, last week's playoff between Fatty's and Lord's Kitchen was a bit anticlimactic. Fatty's took the lead early and never looked back, winning by a final vote of 113 to 32.

If we have learned one thing from this competition, it is that Fatty's has a fanatical (and vocal) fanbase (not to mention a very tasty burger). Congratulations, Fatty's!

Bloggers' Bracket

Even if Butler failed to best Duke in the last moments of Monday night's NCAA Men's Championship game, the 2010 San Antonio Burger Blog March Fatness Championship will go down in the annals of burgerdom as a true Cinderalla story. With a result none of us would have imagined when we began blogging about burgers just over a year ago, Bracken Store Cafe (which until only recently was a burger joint unknown to most of us) defeated the San Antonio burger juggernaut, Chris Madrid's, by a vote of 4 to 2.

While Chris Madrid's delicious, greasy and oh-so-cheesy burgers have long been a favorite of many of our bloggers, it was Bracken Store Cafe's thick patties, super fresh ingredients and satisfying combination that won us (or most of us) over in the end.

As always, however, there were some hecklers and naysayers who thought the title should still go to Madrid's. Burger Boy, for one, maintained that other bloggers' zeal for Bracken Store Cafe would have monumental negative consequences:

"I hope Madrid’s wins, because if we pick the obscure Bracken, darling of an elite cadre of burger reviewers, then we bloggers will have completed our transformation into snobbish pedants who should immediately apply for jobs writing burger reviews at Texas Monthly. And I would hate for that to happen to us."

While Burger Boy's dark warning gave us pause, most of the rest of us, having been to Bracken, knew that this was no frou-frou French restaurant but a true, red blooded, American burger joint. Feeling Burger Boy's fears were overblown, each of us proceeded to vote according to our conscience, consequences be hanged!

Here's the breakdown from other reviewers:

Hamburglar:

I have loved the burger at Chris Madrid’s for as long as I can remember and I’ve sworn by it as the best burger in San Antonio. However, in a head to head match-up against the burger offered at Bracken Store Café in our March Fatness Contest, the win goes to Bracken. Both of these burgers are seasoned perfectly, offer fresh toppings and bring a unique flavor of their own to the burger. But the juicy ½ pound patty at Bracken steals the show with its perfect char and seasoning. If you haven’t been to Bracken Store Café yet for the burger, you are truly missing out.

Justice Warren E. Burger:

Bracken was great the one time I went, but I’ve had too many amazing burgers at Chris Madrid’s to take away its title. I still say Madrid’s is the best.

Fry Daddy:

I admit, at times in the past I have been a bit carried away on finding a new burger place and have placed too much emphasis on my first visit, only to discover on my second visit a number of flaws overlooked in my initial excitement. Not so with Bracken Store Cafe. The half pound cheeseburger on my second visit was every bit as amazing as the one I devoured on my first visit. The thick beef patty may be the best we've encountered so far in our citywide burger quest, but Bracken didn't stop there, every part of the burger demonstrating Bracken's devotion to producing an excellent product. All I can say is well played, Bracken Store Cafe, well played. We will definitely be back.

The Championship Game

2010-03-29T10:06:00.013-05:00

It is now time to see who will be this years March Fatness Champion.

Bloggers' Bracket

After gaining 10 pounds and visiting all the burger joints in our bracket, the Bloggers' have selected Chris Madrid's and Bracken Store Cafe to face off in the Bloggers' March Fatness Championship Game. An old town favorite and a slightly out of town newcomer. Who's got the juiciness to bring it home? This week will decide the outcome.

Readers' Bracket

After an intense matchup between GBG and Fatty's, Fatty's took the lead last Friday morning and never looked back. Winning with a vote of 1,385 to 884 over GBG, it is hard to believe that Lord's Kitchen stands a chance with the paltry 69 votes it received. However, I've learned to never underestimate the underdog. The Lord vs. the Glutton, you get to decide by casting your vote below. We encourage you to hit both these burger joints this week so you can make an informed decision before casting your final vote. The Poll below closes this Friday, April 2nd, so there is time to visit both Lord's Kitchen and Fatty's before casting your vote. Cue the buzzer...

Fatty's vs. Lord's Kitchen

Round 2 Results

2010-03-27T17:40:00.011-05:00

Remember, we are running two tournaments: A Bloggers' Tournament and a Readers' Tournament. The winners below will advance to the finals. We'll open voting on Monday, March 29th.

We are having severe divergence between the Bloggers and the Readers.

The Bloggers' Winners in Round 2:

Chris Madrid's vs. GBG - Chris Madrid's. Our analysis and play-by-play.

Bracken Store Cafe vs. Bobby J's - Bracken Store Cafe. Our analysis and play-by-play.

The Readers' Winners in Round 2:

GBG vs. Fatty's - Fatty's wins by a vote of 1385 to 884 (!). If every one of you voters went to these places this week (which is strongly suggested), Mr. Fatty is rolling in it! I suspect that GBG is run by the Mafia (possibly, the Mexican) as a money-laundering front and has no need for your money.

Bobby J's vs. Lord's Kitchen - Lord's Kitchen. Wins by a vote of 69 to 60.

WOW! With these results, Lord's is in for the fight of its life next week. Since the Burgermeister thinks you Fatty's-lovers are waaaaay over-rating this place, I am putting out a call to the Lord's Army to bring it BIG and send the FATTY Ladies packing in the final round!!!

The Polls for the Final Round will open this Monday.

Round 2 - Bobby J's vs. Bracken Store Cafe

2010-03-27T17:16:00.009-05:00

Bracken shuts down Bobby J's 7-0.

Fry Daddy

I have been to each of these burger places only twice. If I were to compare my initial visits to each, this would have been a closer call, but on my recent official visit Bobby J’s half-pound cheeseburger was a disappointment. The meat was overdone and the burger was a bit heavy on the mayo. Overall, it was a good burger but just didn’t have the chops to conquer the incomparable Bracken Store Café, which has been amazing on both of my recent visits. My cheeseburger at Bracken had a patty that was juicy, perfectly seasoned and so thick that I had a hard time believing it was only half a pound (or fitting it in my mouth). The toppings were all fresh, the bun was nicely toasted and the total combination made this burger the clear winner in this matchup. Whatever burger faces off against Bracken Store Café in the finals had better bring it’s A+ game, because Bracken’s burger is the BOMB!

Winner: Bracken Store Café

Justice Warren E. Burger

Bracken over Bobby J’s. Simply put, Bracken is one of the best burgers I’ve ever eaten in San Antonio (and I've lived here my whole damn life). This joint clearly deserves its shot against Madrid's.

Burgermesiter Meisterburger

I have visited both these places twice and the result is the same for me every time. Bracken is clearly the better burger. But just to ensure that my taste buds weren't fooling me, I took the two older offspring (Brunhilda and Adolf) to Bracken this week. They don't have wimpy quarter pound burgers at Bracken, so both kids order a full half-pounder along with Papa.

Needless to say, Adolf only finished half of his, so I packed it to go. When I arrived back at Castle Neuschwanstein, I addressed Frau Meisterburger:

"Woman, you must eat this leftover burger! To not do so would be wasteful and against every fiber of our German beings!"

Even though the burger had been off the grill for nearly an hour, she loved it. That staying power indicates what a fantastic piece of meat Bracken serves up, and staying power is a very German quality.

Bracken by a mile.

Likes His Nuts Tatered, Too!

Bobby J’s

Wow, this competition was a tough one as these are probably my two favorite places to go to. Bobby J’s is a superb burger that masterfully blends all of the components to make a delicious burger. I will say though that at my latest visit, the burger lacked a little of its usual fantastic taste. I couldn’t tell if it wasn’t greasy/buttery enough or if there wasn’t enough mayo, but something was slightly off. Still, it’s a fantastic burger.

Bracken Café

I have to say, this is a damn good burger. The patty is thick, juicy, and has those nice crispy pieces on the edges. If I had to have one critique, it would be that the bun needs to be softer with more butter. I think they toast them without butter which almost borders on being slightly dry. Still, the burger overcomes this slight and is a true champ.

My vote goes to Bracken Store Cafe.

Back to Round 2 Summary Results.

Round 2 - Chris Madrid's vs. GBG

2010-03-27T17:00:00.006-05:00

Will the SA Burger King fall prey to the flashy, new player in the tournament, with all their different looks and options? This match-up is akin to Kansas vs. Northern Iowa. Kansas is a storied program with a deep history; Northern Iowa has Ali Faroukmanesh, Elgelbert (spelling?) and some German kid named "Koch" (pronounced "Coke")! Well, unlike the 2nd round of this year's real tournament, the old-timer wins.

Chris Madrid's over GBG 4 to 3.

Likes His Tots Tatered:

GBG

Everyone in the blog knows my thoughts about GBG as I have not been shy about voicing my opinion about this place. The burger just doesn’t belong in this tourney. First off, the restaurant is located in a sterile shopping center in the pretentious Stone Oak area, which severely takes away from your burger joint state of mind. Second, the cheese burger is just ok. Sure, the meat is top notch, but that’s all they got. The other fancy options are nice and different, but aren’t comparable to other burgers. It should tell you something when a burger joint can’t stand behind their basic burgers and have to hide behind a gimmicky gourmet theme. The burger is by no means bad, just not one of the city’s best.

Chris Madrid’s

CM’s gets a lucky break by being in the soft half of the bracket. They get a free ride to the finals because they never had to go up against the stiffer competition in The Lord’s Kitchen, Bracken Café, and Bobby J’s. CM’s is definitely a good burger, and deserves to be among SA’s best. But the question will always remain: is the burger only good because of the mountain of cheese on top? Who cares, CM’s wins in a landslide.

Where's the Beef?

I know how unpopular GBG is with some of our bloggers. I totally disagree. GBG slays Madrid’s in almost every category, perhaps with the exception of sodium content. There is no doubt that Madrid’s is the home town favorite and they make a really good burger, but better things have come along. That better thing is GBG. I vote for GBG to move on to the championship game.

Justice Warren E. Burger

Madrid’s over GBG. GBG arguably has a better burger patty, but Madrid’s beats GBG overall because of the buttery bun and delicious cheese.

Fry Daddy

This was a close one for me. I am a fan of both of these places, which serve burgers on opposite ends of the good burger spectrum. Chris Madrid’s is the greasy spoon hometown favorite, while GBG is a gourmet burger place with variations on the traditional burger that for the most part are both innovative and delicious. While I was impressed on my recent official visit to each of these places, I have to cast my vote for Madrid’s on this one. Since I felt that on this matchup it was best to compare apples to apples, I ordered a traditional cheeseburger at GBG rather than one of the more exotic menu options. While GBG would have won my vote were this competition based on the meat alone (since GBG’s thick patty is clearly superior in quality to CM’s thin but well seasoned patty), the burger as a whole did not blow me away. The Chris Madrid’s burger, on the other hand, is clearly more than the sum of its parts, all of the elements coming together to make a delicious and satisfying burger.

Winner: Chris Madrid’s

Other Bloggers:

Hamburglar and I picked GBG, but #2 with Cheese breaks the tie in favor of Madrid's.

Back to Round 2 Summary Results.

Second Round Polls (Final Four)

2010-03-21T22:06:00.009-05:00

What a first round! We had some tight races in the Burger Bloggers' Tournament and the Readers Tournament. If you missed the announcement of the winners, you can find them here, or just check out the brackets below. Now on to the Second Round Polls.

The polls below will be open all week and close late Friday, March 26th. Over the weekend, we'll announce the winners that will move on to the championship game. Best of luck to the four burger joints below. We think the match-up between Fatty's and Gourmet Burger Grill is going to be a tight one. Both burger joints garnered a lot of votes in Round 1. Let's see how they do in Round 2. As for the Bobby J's/Lord's Kitchen match-up, make sure to try both of these burgers for yourself before casting your vote - both offer a really great burger and should make for a tough decision.

Fatty's vs. Gourmet Burger Grill

Bobby J's vs. Lord's Kitchen

Round 1 Winners

2010-03-19T23:58:00.015-05:00

And the winners are...

But, first to lay out the framework. We are running two tournaments: A Bloggers' Tournament and a Readers' Tournament. The winners below will advance to the next round and we'll open the voting for Round 2 (Final Four) on Monday, March 22nd. Interestingly, the Bloggers' winners and the Readers' winners aren't too far off.

The Bloggers' Winners in Round 1:

Chris Madrid's vs. Fatty's - Chris Madrid's. Our analysis and play-by-play.

GBG vs. Longhorn Cafe - Gourmet Burger Grill. Our analysis and play-by-play.

Lord's Kitchen vs. Bracken Store Cafe - Bracken Store Cafe. Our analysis and play-by-play.

Chester's vs. Bobby J's - Bobby J's. Our analysis and play-by-play.

The Readers' Winners in Round 1:

Chris Madrid's vs. Fatty's - Fatty's. Wins by a vote of 234 to 127.

GBG vs. Longhorn Cafe - Gourmet Burger Grill. Wins by a vote of 142 to 113.

Lord's Kitchen vs. Bracken Store Cafe - Lord's Kitchen. Wins by a vote of 90 to 75.

Chester's vs. Bobby J's - Bobby J's. Wins by a vote of 98 to 96. Talk about a close one! I hope everyone makes it out to Bobby J's before they cast their vote this week.

The Polls for Round 2 (Final Four) will open this Monday. You'll be voting on Fatty's vs. Gourmet Burger Grill and Lord's Kitchen vs. Bobby J's, so get your computer mice ready to vote and your burger appetite prepared.

Bracken Store Cafe vs. Lord's Kitchen

2010-03-19T23:43:00.005-05:00

Winner: Bracken Store Cafe, by a 5 to 1 vote.

Inconsistency costs Lord's the round. Now I'm never one to vote against the Lord, but on our trip to Lord's in this round of the tournament I was left with no choice. My burger looked heavenly, but upon taking my first bite I noticed something was lacking, seasoning. But to my dismay, a few bites later I hit a salt mine. My burger was underseasoned in parts and overseasoned in others. I've never experienced this before at a burger joint and I was sad to see it happen to Lord's in the first round. On the other hand, Bracken brought out a beautiful burger: cooked perfectly, seasoned perfectly and consistently, and juicy where it's supposed to be juicy. My vote, as you can tell, was for Bracken. Here are the bloggers' impressions and votes (sorry for the lack of participation in the blogger comments below, some bloggers ran out of steam to jot down their comments and will be appropriately counseled):

Prefers His Tots Tatered

Lord’s Kitchen

I have to say that I have worshiped at the altar of the Lord’s Kitchen several times and there is always one constant…that the quality is never consistent. Sometimes I go, and I truly have a religious experience. Other times, I start questioning my faith in the place as to whether to belongs at the top of SA’s best. Well, as Georgetown has showed us, you have to bring you’re a-Game every time or risk being upset.

Bracken

This is a damn good burger, period. Fresh ingredients, check. A big, juicy patty, check. Buttery, greasy buns that run down your arm, check. Bracken sure is peaking at the right time and takes this matchup in a close one. This could be a sleeper.

Winner - Bracken

Back to Round 1 Summary Results

GBG vs. Longhorn

2010-03-19T23:29:00.007-05:00

Winner: Gourmet Burger Grill, by a 4 to 3 vote.

Talk about a tough match-up. Given the heated discussion amongst the bloggers as to which burger was better and the constant attempts to swing votes one way or the other, one would think we were voting on the health care reform legislation. At the end of the day, though, GBG won out by a hold out voter at the last minute. Go figure. Here are the bloggers' impressions, votes and arguments:

Prefers His Tots Tatered:

GBG

When will GMs learn. You can’t just buy your way into a champion caliber team. Sure, every once in a while it will work out, but the more likely result is a team with prima donna superstars all trying to steal the show and forgetting the whole concept of teamwork. Plus, the fans/patrons are stuck holding the bill for these high priced players. This is the case with GBG. Their whole marketing pitch is their high quality beef, and I have to admit, it is pretty tasty (and pricey!). But a burger should be a blend of teamwork with all the ingredients working together. This is where GBG goes wrong with its burger. The fixins are mediocre at best. And, on top of that, they come on the side where you have to put them on yourself. This is a huge pet peeve of mine and in my opinion, a sure sign of a substandard burger.

Longhorn

Now this is teamwork. All of the different ingredients did their part to make one hell of a performance. I don’t know how they did it, but truly, the sum was greater than the parts for the Longhorn burger. Nothing individually stands out about this burger, but when they put it all together, it just works. Slam Dunk, Home Run, and whatever other sports clichés you want to put here.

Winner – Longhorn, and it wasn’t even close. I’m in the minority that thinks GBG didn’t even belong in the tourney to begin with.

Where's The Beef:

Longhorn: Typically when I go to Longhorn I spend the extra $$$ and get the Angus burger. On this particular trip I just went for the standard “Big Juicy.” It was neither big nor juicy. The burger reminded me of a sodium-reduced version of TJ’s hamburger, and, while tasty, I was not blown away. The bun was the highlight- crisp and buttery. If you go to Longhorn, spend the extra $1.80 for the Angus and you won’t be disappointed. As a side note (pun intended)- their onion rings and tots were outstanding.

GBG: I can’t say enough about this place. Some people think it is only fair to compare cheeseburger to cheeseburger, but how can you possibly ignore GBG’s unique offerings? On my trip I handcrafted my own burger. I took their standard ½ pound Angus hamburger and added goat cheese, roasted red peppers and the basil pesto aioli. It was like eating ambrosia from the gods. Unlike most burger joints, the GBG’s burger is actually thick enough for them to ask how you want it cooked, and mine came out medium just as I ordered. Their artisan bun is proof positive that greasier is not necessarily always better. People have complained about their basic burger fare (including my wife who thought her kids size cheeseburger was dry). However, going to GBG and only ordering a basic cheeseburger is like buying a Ferrari and using it as your daily driver. In both cases, you’re simply not using them for their intended purpose.

The verdict: GBG wins by a landslide. Anyone can dip a bun in a stick of melted butter and toast it, but it takes true talent to come up with GBG’s artisan roll. Their unique and flavorful burger add-ons cannot be beat. If GBG is the Ferrari of hamburgers, Longhorn is like a 1987 Mustang. It was awesome when it first came out, but now you realize that it only had a 225 horse engine and was surpassed long ago by technological and engineering advancements.

BurgerMeister MeisterBurger:

Longhorn – I have been to Longhorn’s quite a few times and I can say this: They will give you a consistent performance – solid, but not spectacular. The burger is tasty and has nice fresh toppings. The sauce (I think it is simply mayo) that they use helps the meat remain juicy. But personally, I think they are a bit overrated. They will probably always make “the dance” but don’t expect them to go deep. Longhorn just doesn’t have that inexplicable quality that you find with a truly championship squad.

GBG – GBG is the Duke Blue Devil of the San Antonio burger joint world. Maybe they shouldn’t even be in the “dance.” They pride themselves on their creative menu, their superior cuts of meat and they price themselves out of the burger joint market (who ever heard of $15 for a burger and a beer?) Perhaps we should relegate GBG to the NIT where they can face off against brainiacs like ORO Restaurant (MIT, perhaps), Brasserie Pavil (Stanford – what’s up with that stupid mascot?), or the latest Kobe Burger offering from some chef that used to have a gourmet restaurant (any Ivy league). But like the Dukies, GBG somehow cobbles together ingredients to make a product that can compete, and shine. Maybe I am giving GBG too many extra points for its burgasmic Caprese Burger offering, but that dish smacks Longhorn right off the court.

GBG leads buzzer-to-buzzer, in a solid defeat.

Hamburglar:

GBG – A burger at GBG is unlike any burger you’ll get from another burger joint. I know, it’s gourmet. I ordered a regular cheeseburger to even the matchup, but in a matchup against a burger from Longhorn Café, it is really hard to compare the two. GBG brings a thick, well seasoned and juicy patty, but presents the burger to the patron naked (meaning you have to dress it yourself). This is where GBG loses against Longhorn in my opinion. Maybe it’s my lazy nature, or maybe it’s because I’m not going to lather a burger up with condiments on my own, OR maybe it’s because if something is already dressed it leaves a little bit of mystery about what’s under the clothes, but I have a hard time getting behind a burger that I have to make myself. GBG still has a very good burger, but when matched up against Longhorn’s Big Juicy, GBG misses the game winning shot.

Longhorn – I ordered the Big Juicy on our trip to Longhorn and it brought the A game. The patty is pretty thin and in no way compares to nor can beat GBG’s patty, but the teamwork going on in the Big Juicy is really remarkable. The toppings are fresh and plentiful, the grease on the bun glistened in the sun and the condiments are lathered on to provide a great taste and flavor. Just like Hannibal says, “I love it when a plan comes together.”

Longhorn and the Big Juicy win with a slam dunk that shatters the backboard.

Back to Round 1 Summary Results

Chester's vs. Bobby J's

2010-03-19T23:22:00.005-05:00

Winner: Bobby J's, by a 6 to 0 vote.

Bobby J’s vs. Chester’s is a unique matchup against one of San Antonio’s well known establishments, versus an up-and-comer in the SA Burger scene located on the outskirts of town. There was a time growing up when Chester’s couldn’t be beat. Unfortunately, they have gotten a little too big for themselves and seem to forget all the little things that it takes to come out a true winner. Bobby J’s on the other hand is a very solid burger. I prefer a large patty cooked to perfection with crispy edges along with a buttery bun and plenty of fixins. My vote is for Bobby J’s, but let’s see what others had to say:

Hamburglar

Chesters – I’ve never been overly impressed with Chester’s. It’s a solid burger, but a standard bun and toppings just doesn’t get it the extra points to win the game in my opinion.

Bobby J’s – On our visit to Bobby J’s for this matchup, I’m sorry to say the burger wasn’t up to Bobby J’s usual excellent standards. It was missing that special flavor that I believe makes Bobby J’s a champion. Regardless, a solid ½ pound, juicy patty and fresh condiments gives Bobby J’s the winning two-point shot in the last seconds.

Burgermeister Meisterburger

Chester’s – Chester’s is a solid, well rounded team. But without a solid point guard (the BURGER), they are just not going to hang around with any topnotch burger joint teams. Chester’s burger is tasty and well put together, but has nothing that totally blows away the competition. Chester’s other dimensions (its sides, milkshakes, fantastic beer selection, and comfortable ambience) all make a great overall experience and make it worth a visit, but the burger itself just won’t go deeper in the tournament.

Bobby J’s – I did not go to the burger-blogger’s first visit to Bobby J’s. I have heard about the Helotes burger sensation and have been dying to sink my teeth into a Bobby J’s delight. So on a Saturday night, I packed up Frau Meisterburger and the three Meisterburger offspring (Brunhilda, Adolf and baby Heinrich – we call him Heine for short) and head off to Bobby J’s. Like Madrid’s, I think I built a Bobby J shrine in my head before even placing my order. It is a good burger, but I was not overwhelmed, as I had expected to be. I asked for jalapenos, but got none. They missed our fried pickle order. I am hoping I went on an off night, because my Bobby J’s burger and experience did not meet my expectations.

In a disappointing match-up on both sides, Bobby J’s barely survived to make it to the next round. Since it is next facing up against either Bracken or Lord’s, Bobby J’s may go down in dramatic fashion.

Back to Round 1 Summary Results

Chris Madrid's vs. Fatty's

2010-03-19T15:01:00.010-05:00

Winner: Chris Madrid's, by a 6 to 3 vote

This was a surprisingly close call. Most thought Chris Madrid's would win by a mile, but as the comments show, CM might be slipping a little. Here are the bloggers' impressions and votes:

Where's the Beef:

Fatty’s- I repeat my comments from the TJ's vs. Fatty's matchup. The burger was incredibly flavorful and their homemade bun was sweet, fluffy and delicious. Beer battered onion rings completed the fantastic experience. Fatty's definitely has the potential to be the Cinderella of the burger bracket.

Madrid’s- I've had better experiences at Madrid's. I don’t know if it was the macho sized cheddar-cheesy, but my burger this trip was way too salty. While still delicious, this leaves Madrid's open to an upset. While sides do not factor into this competition, I think it is highly pretentious of Madrid's to have such crummy side offerings. The fries are undercooked, and if you order them "well done" they come out burnt to a crisp. There no ring, tot or chip options.

In the upset of the century, I vote for Fatty's. Fatty's Burger haunts my dreams, unlike Chris Madrid's. I know this will be controversial, but I can't ignore the truth.

Chief Justice Warren E. Burger:

Chris Madrid's. I have long been an overwhelming fan of Madrid's. Before we started the blog it was favorite, and after this last visit, it remains my favorite. It beats Fatty's in a landslide. But I have to admit it - it might be slipping a little. There might be some others that catch up. Should be an interesting tournament. The burger was very good, but not great. A small lack of flavor in the burger, and the bun wasn't as buttery as I remember.

Fatty's. Two words: very average. A decent burger, and good bun, but nothing special.

CM gets the early win, but it needs to work on its jump shot, or some young upstart like Gourmet Burger Grill is going to beat it at the free throw line.

Prefers His Tots Tatered:

Chris Madrid’s

Sometimes, when you’re on top, you can have lapses where you just don’t bring you’re A-game. We’ve all seen it where the presumed champ just waltzes into a matchup and thinks that they can just go through the motions and win. Well, I am sad to say that Chris Madrid’s had one of these days. There’s no doubt as to Chris Madrid’s historic consistency in all things burger related, but on our latest outing, their performance wasn’t up to the standards of a tournament champion. The burgers were somewhat lukewarm and dare I say there was almost too much cheese. It was at the level of gimmicky. So sad that they couldn’t be at their best during the post-season but these things happen.

Fatty’s

It had been a while since we first visited this relatively unknown and unheralded burger joint, but I soon remembered why this place made the post-season. The burgers are plump and juicy, but the real showstopper is the homemade bun. Fatty’s buns are warm, fresh and almost have a sweetness to them. My only Monday Morning Quarterback critique is their use of a patty forming machine. The patty’s were too well shaped. While the meat was fresh and they tasted good, the appearance was an undesirable hockey puck look. It doesn’t take all that much time to form your own patties.

Winner – Fatty’s! You read that right, a number 1 seed finally loses in round 1.

Buergermeister Meisterburger:

Fatty’s – The burger is thick and juicy, but again, mine seemed to have some kind of filler in it. If I want veggies in my burger, I’ll ask my mom to cook me one (wasn’t that an Eddie Murphy schtick?) Maybe I was merely hallucinating small chunk of potatoes into the burger . . . Also, the sweet, fluffy bun is just not my thing.

Madrid’s – Did not bring the “A” game when I went there on a busy Friday. (Hint: If you are trying to beat a lunch crowd, don’t go at 11:15 – wait until about 12:30). I love Madrid burgers, covered in melted cheddar with a ton of jalapenos on top. However, whether I had built up the awesomeness of this burger in my mind to the point where it could not meet expectations or whether Chris’ kitchen staff simply had an off day, I was slightly let down.

Madrid’s in a close one (but it sure as heck did not cover the point spread!)

Hamburgler:

Fatty’s – I hit Fatty’s on what I believe was an off-day for them. My burger came out a little on the cool side and didn’t bring much in the way of juiciness. I’m still a big fan of the buns at Fatty’s (I’d say they are PHAT), but, in my opinion, buns alone couldn’t save Fatty’s and Fatty’s misses the game winning shot.

Madrid’s – I have eaten at Chris Madrid’s probably hundreds of times and never experienced an off-day. Interestingly enough, my visit to Madrid’s for this matchup was an off-day – so the matchup against Fatty’s was at least even. My Madrid’s burger had all the regular fixings and the meat was seasoned perfectly as usual, but it was missing that magical something that gives the burger the slam dunk play that beats all others. Regardless, Madrid’s brought enough flavor and heat to leave Fatty’s puffing in the dust. Even on a bad day, a Chris Madrid’s burger is hard to beat.

Winner – Madrid’s.

Flying Dutch Man:

Madrids was an above average burger, but they were definitely having an off day. Still, the burger was seasoned well and tasty.

Our meat at Fatty’s was undercooked and the patty was weak.

Fry Daddy:

Everyone knows Chris Madrid’s has the best burger in San Antonio, right? Well on any other day everyone may be right, but in my opinion Chris Madrid’s choked at game time in the faceoff against Fatty’s and delivered – for the first time in my memory – a less than stellar burger. The cheddar cheese spilling off my Cheddar Cheezy burger was delicious as always, but the meat was a bit too dry and the bun was burnt (some people may call that charring, I suppose).

On the other hand, the homemade bun on the Ref’s Burger was delicious, soft and satisfying. The thick 8 oz. patty was cooked just right – hot and juicy but not so pink that I worried about intestinal troubles later in the day. Having a cheese other than plain American on the burger would have been nice, but overall Fatty’s brought it’s A game with a very tasty burger.

I know many in San Antonio would view a defeat of Chris Madrid’s by Fatty’s as a huge upset and would blame the final result on some bad calls by the refs, but in my honest opinion, Fatty’s prevails as the better burger in this matchup.

Back to Round 1 Summary Results

First Round Polls

2010-03-12T13:06:00.021-06:00

March Fatness has begun! If you missed the announcement on what we are doing, please click here. Basically, we've taken our top burger joint picks and seeded them against each other in the spirit of March Madness, and we are letting you, our readers, have a pick as to which burger joint should move on to the next round. The polls are open for voting (below) and now is your chance to let your voice (or mouse click) be heard. We encourage you to check out the burger joints, be thoughtful about your picks and enjoy some great burgers! Also, we ask that the Rackers in the cloud computing world out there go easy on the polls and not try to stack the votes - we aren't computer programmers by any means; well, one of us may be, but we can't get him to own up to it.

The polls will close this Friday, March 19, 2009. At that point, we'll announce the winning burger joints picked by our readers that will advance to the next round, along with the burger joints that we picked to advance. Now on to the polls!

Chris Madrid's vs. Fatty's

Review of Chris Madrid's
Review of Fatty's

GBG vs. Longhorn Cafe

Review of Gourmet Burger Grill
Review of Longhorn Cafe

Bracken Store Cafe vs. Lord's Kitchen

Review of Bracken Store Cafe
Review of Lord's Kitchen

Chester's vs. Bobby J's

Review of Chester's
Review of Bobby J's

BURGER MADNESS!!!

2010-03-10T16:16:00.007-06:00

What is your favorite sports time of the year? I know that some people live and die by college football and can’t wait until Late August/September when the season begins. For others the Daytona 500 in February of every year signals the springtime rebirth of all that is good in this world. The sports climax for others occurs over seven nights’ of baseball in late October.

But for me, it has always been March Madness, the BIG Dance, the NCAA College Basketball Tournament. It is a time for once-in-a-lifetime performances, Cinderella upsets, dark horses emerging from the field and David kickin’ Goliath’s butt! This time of year whips me into a frenzy of emotions as I watch MY teams advance (or not) and fall in love anew with the likes of the Santa Clara Broncos , the George Mason Patriots (I HAAAATE UConn!) , the Villanova Wildcats, and of course, Jimmy V and the Wolfpack.

It is in this same spirit that we present the first annual San Antonio Burger Blog Burger Tournament, which we will dub “MARCH FATNESS!!!!” Over the next three weeks, we will conduct a face-off of our eight top-ranked burger joints in a single elimination tournament format. We will revisit and re-evaluate the burgers on back-to-back days and pick a winner of each match-up who will move on to the next round. After a total of three rounds, seven burger match-ups and FOURTEEN burger feasts, a WINNER will emerge – and they will reign as the UNDISPUTED** BURGER CHAMPION OF THE (san antonio) UNIVERSE!!

** - Undisputed, at least, until you, our loyal readers and avid burgerphiles, post your comments letting us know how wrong we are, how we can’t tell the difference between beef and soybean burgers, how our taste buds have been ruined by years of binge drinking, and how we have been taking bribes and blood money from the San Antonio burger mafia.

So who are these Elite Eight of the San Antonio Burger World?? Drum roll, please . . . .

#8 – Fatty’s – Fluffy, Sweet Buns (like your momma) makes this burger divine!

#7 – Chester’s – Oft-maligned, San Antonio burger institution (but it has lots of BEER)

#6 – Bracken Store Café – THE HEAVENLY FRY COOK AND A THICK PIECE OF BEEF!

#5 – Longhorn Café – There’s something in the sauce that makes it just right.

#4 – Gourmet Burger Grill – Fancy, Schmancy Grilling Sensations!

#3 – The Lord’s Kitchen – Inspiration from Above

#2 – Bobby’s J’s – In Memory of Bobby

#1 – Chris Madrid’s – The King of San Antonio Burgers . . . or are they?

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!! We have been reading your comments all year and we acknowledge that our opinions can differ dramatically from yours. So we are also running a reader’s bracket. You will have a chance to have your collective voices heard. You, too, can pick the winners among these match-ups.

SO MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND START YOUR GASTRIC JUICES FLOWING! We will release the polls this coming Sunday (March 14th).

Review #46 - Bracken Store Cafe

2010-02-10T03:53:00.014-06:00

“I'm headin' down the Bracken highway, lookin' for the burger getaway, Headin’ for the burger getaway . . .”

Yes, Bracken Store Café (BSC), with its “tin roof, rusted!” is now my own personal Burger “Love Shack.”

If you want a true, country burger joint experience without having to travel far from San Antonio’s beaten path, I recommend the Bracken Store Café. The store bills itself as a “Big Burger in a Small Town” on BSC's website and indicates that they are located in downtown Bracken. Little did I know that downtown Bracken was located just a couple of miles from Rolling Oaks Mall.

The first beautiful thing about BSC strikes you as you walk in the front door. The Grill – that place where the magic happens – is right there for your viewing pleasure. It is impossible to keep your mouth from watering as you watch the thick, juicy patties steaming on the grill.

We placed our orders and took a seat in the restaurant’s “Antique” wing, as opposed to the main dining room, so as to remain somewhat inconspicuous. We took in the full effect of the kitschy atmophere, replete with plenty of wall signage and more thermometers than you can possibly count (which indicated that the room temperature was somewhere between 23 and 107 degrees).

As a nice touch, the entire staff is listed on the “Receiving in Rear” wall, so that you can at once determine who is making and delivering your food.

Burger – 8.0 out of 10

The burger is a thick, juicy half pound patty cooked to perfection with an ample amount of fresh lettuce and tomatoes. As you can tell from the picture, the cheese is melted to perfection and provides the perfect complement to the burger – not so much that it overwhelms the meat, but just enough that it cascades over the sides of the patty.

Likes His Tots Tatered - "Bracken Café makes a damn fine burger with nothing but the freshest ingredients. I love it how all the burgers are a half pound, the way God intended a burger to be served. If I was going to have any criticism, the patty itself could have used a little more salt (or even some season salt), but otherwise the burger is one of the best around."

Fry Daddy – "Super-fresh toppings and a nice thick patty that’s cooked medium make this burger one of my favorites in the greater San Antonio area. For some reason, thinner patties seem to be more the norm among San Antonio burger joints. Maybe burger joints think the additional real estate will make their burgers look bigger and more menacing. But I just prefer a huge hunk of meat to jam in my face!"

Hamburglar - "A perfectly sized juicy beef patty with the freshest and crispiest lettuce I have ever had on a burger. The lettuce gave the burger a delicious little crunch reminiscent of a homemade burger. A little more seasoning on the beef and butter on the bun would likely make this the best burger in S.A. "

Burger Boy - "The best thing about the patty was that it was of substantial thickness; think of the way you make your burgers when you’re grilling in your backyard and you get the idea. I thought it could use a little more seasoning, though. I, like Fry Daddy, think size does matter."

Sides – 8.5 out of 10

We have found a new altar at which to worship in the San Antonio Burger Universe. The guy (or gal) that runs the frier at BSC, is not getting paid what they are worth. I am not sure how it is possible to have different levels of expertise within the Fry Guy profession, but this person truly is the “Lord of the Fry.” I have never had a more perfect crisp on hand-cut fries or onion rings. This saint also made the tater tots stand out among the crowd of sides that I have eaten over the last 15 months (I had been previously convinced that all tater tots are pretty much the same and hard to screw up . . . or make better).

Hamburglar - "Undoubtedly the best tater-tot I have ever had, along with delicious rings and what would appear to be mediocre fries that have been made perfect by a mastery of the fryer. The sides trifecta lives in Bracken!"

Tots Tatered - "Bracken Café could have just stopped at their delicious burgers, and I would have still loved the place. But, they didn’t stop there. The sides were fantastic, not to mention that they have all three options."

Fry Pops - "The fries were pretty good but could not hold their own against BSC’s heavyweights – their crispy tater tots and hand-breaded onion rings. Whatever BSC is paying the guy or girl operating the fryer, it’s not enough. The rings and tots were dynamite – easily some of the best we’ve had of the nearly 50 burger joints we’ve tried."

Burger Boy – "The sides were good, but not spectacular."

Rrrr . . . What??

You may start to see a trend at this point. It appears that Burger Boy was less than enthused about the whole BSC experience. I think it relates to his own feelings of inadequacy. I mean, the guy carries around a camera with a HUGE lens whenever we venture out to get our beefy burger fix.

Well, for any BSC enthusiasts out there, I, Burgermeister Meisterburger, personally apologize for the disrespect this young lad shows through his less than adequate ratings. If I had my way, I would publicly flog him, but as that form of justice is frowned upon in these sensitive days of political-correctness, the best I can do is give him a verbal tongue-lashing. I'll have you know that when we eliminate Burger Boy's scores for BSC, its Burger rating moves upward from an 8.0 to an 8.5, Ambience bumps up a half-notch to 8.5 as well and the Sides rating skyrockets to a 9.5!

Ambience (pronounced primarily with the short “a” sounds as in “ambulance” – “am – bee – ance”) – 8.0 out of 10

BSC has that quintessential, small-town, country café feel, housed in a weather-worn, yet sturdy, building and with ample amounts of good ole’ Americana décor (a.k.a. bunches of crap on the walls). If you are the introverted, self-conscious type, you may want to think twice about coming to BSC. When you walk in the front door, you are thrust directly into the main dining room, replete with what appear to be the local regulars and the lady behind the counter immediately greets you with a friendly “Hello.” [Contrast this to the proprietress/waitress/cook at Joe’s Hamburger Place – although she, too, had her own unique charm].

Fry Daddy-O: "While the interior is not all too different than many other burger joints we’ve been too, there’s something authentic about BSC. The building it’s in looks old and decrepit enough, and it certainly helps that this place is in the middle of nowhere . . . er, I mean, downtown Bracken. On top of that, the place appears to have a loyal local following and the staff were friendly. Bracken Store Café is the real deal."

Burger Boy: "Bracken had the feel of an old timey country restaurant. I especially enjoyed that the proprietress told us her store was located in “downtown bracken” because it was, in fact, surrounded by farm fields."

Again, BB, with the snide comments. Well, I guess in this case, he's at least accurate.

So if you’ve got a Chrysler that seats about 20 (or simply a Toyota Prius that no one will ride in) hurry up and bring your juke box money to that little old place where we can get together and stuff our faces with some of the best burgers and sides in San Antonio – BSC, Baby! – That’s where it's at . . .

Review #45 - Bobby J's

2010-02-02T17:34:00.018-06:00

In Memoriam

I write this review with mixed emotions. Let me start off by stating that Bobby J’s deserves to be among S.A.’s best. The place serves fantastic burgers, and in fact, we gave it one of the highest ratings to date. That being said, upon our arrival to Bobby J’s, we learned that the man behind the burger had recently passed away. This came as a shock to this certain blogger as growing up in the Helotes area, I had quite my fair share of Bobby J’s burgers over the years. Actually, I’d like to think that my friends and I personally kept this place open during its first year of business as we routinely stopped in for our senior lunch in high school.

For those of you who have yet to travel out to try this magnificent burger, Bobby J’s is located at 13247 Bandera Road in Helotes (before you reach Floore Country Store).

Word has gotten out over the years, and this place is no longer a local secret. Even the food critics have taken notice. Upon entering, you’re welcomed with a wall covered with awards and accolades bestowed upon Bobby J's throughout the years.

While glancing over all the honors, we noticed one memorial plaque that stood out.

Sadly, we realized that the man who started it all had just passed away. Of course, this surprising news saddened us, but we were comforted to read that his children planned to carry on the legacy and continue to run the place.

I think if Bobby J were still around, he would approve of our endeavor to find the best burger in town. On the webpage, it says that after deciding to open up a burger joint, Bobby J and his wife went all over the Alamo city to try every burger in town. He then took the top ones, and tried to duplicate them in some respects and improve on them in others. Well, all I can say is well done sir. Well done.

Burger – 9 out of 10

Bobby J’s got a whopping 9 from our reviewers, which is saying a lot. We’re pretty close to hitting up all the places in town, so we’re not easily impressed anymore. But this burger does not disappoint.

The burger comes out piping hot with just the right amount of greasiness plus a great tasting patty topped with ample mayo and fresh veggies. I personally like their use of diced onions versus the typical sliced variety. My fellow bloggers seemed to have the same opinion.

Fry Daddy: I ordered the 1/2 pound cheeseburger, unlike my sissified fellow diners, who all ordered 1/3 pound burgers. The massive 1/2 pound patty spilling over the super greasy bun immediately reminded me of a Chris Madrid’s Macho burger. Far from being a Chris Madrid’s knock-off, though, Bobby J’s burger has an appeal all its own and deserves a place among San Antonio’s burger elite. The meat patty was not thick but was still plenty juicy with just the right amount of seasoning, striking a delicate balance elusive to many burger places we’ve visited. The burger comes topped with mayo and lots of shredded lettuce, tomato, pickle and onion.

Hamburglar: Fantastically flavored burger with an addictive taste and a sinfully delicious bun.

Where’s the Beef: The bun was the highlight for me- toasted to perfection with a nice glossy sheen of butter. I liked the multitude of options for the burgers (not only style but the ¼, 1/3 and ½ pound size options), and it was nice to have a selection of 4 or 5 different cheeses. The burger patty itself was very tasty. I’d make the trip out to the hinterland again for this one.

Sides – 9 out of 10

Bobby J's didn’t just stop with the burger. Unlike so many places that put all their effort into the burger yet neglect the all important sides, Bobby J’s stayed strong. We tried the fries, onion rings, tator tots, and fried pickles, but there were even more options that we just couldn’t fit into our bellies. The fries were hand-cut, and the fry cook managed to perfect that delicate balance between crispy but not burnt. The onion rings were definitely hand battered, and the tots and fried pickles were tasty too.

Fry Daddy: Bobby J’s is a strong contender in the sides bracket. Not only does Bobby J’s do an excellent job when it comes to the tripartite sides package (fries, tots and rings), its menu includes other notable sides offerings (such as fried pickles). The fries were thick, firm but not overdone, and among the best I’ve had anywhere.

Hamburglar: Bobby J’s brings the sides trifecta with rings, tots and fries - each one seasoned perfectly.

Where’s the Beef: The sides were great. Fries were well seasoned, and the onion rings looked homemade and were equally delicious. Tots were pretty standard, but Bobby J’s also had a wide array of alternative sides, such as fried zucchini, fried pickle spears and sweet potato fries.

Ambience – 8 out of 10

Bobby J's has plenty of dining options for your visit. You can dine in one of the many rooms inside, sit on the front porch, or sit in the big pavilion out back.

Unfortunately for us, it was cold and rainy on our visit, so we stuck to inside dining rather than being able to eat al fresco.

The interior is put together like most burger joints with all sorts of random flair on the walls.

They even decorate according to the season. We went right around Christmas, so we were treated with some holiday cheer.

Even the taxidermy gets a Christmas make-over.

Overall, the atmosphere is pretty welcoming and enjoyable.

Fry Daddy: Typical burger joint kitsch, but with such amazing food at Bobby J’s, the ambience only merits a mere footnote.

Hamburglar: Typical burger joint flair on the inside, but they have a nice outdoor pavilion to dine on when the weather in San Antonio is just right.

Where’s the Beef: Standard burger joint décor with some South Texas flair. Very clean. I was sad to see Bobby J recently passed away, but the family is definitely doing a great job at carrying on the legacy.

After gorging ourselves on Bobby J's delicious fare, we left with full stomachs but sad hearts. R.I.P. Bobby J. You sure knew how to make a damn good burger (and it appears that your children do too).

Review #44 - K Burger

2010-01-11T14:30:00.020-06:00

K Burger, located at 2456 Harry Wurzbach, has occupied an inconspicuous spot near the bottom of our list of as yet unreviewed San Antonio burger joints for a few months, and until recently we at the San Antonio Burger Blog knew next to nothing about it. When a little online research turned up the fact that the “K” in K Burger stands for Korean, this relatively new burger joint shot to the top of our must-try list.

It should come as no surprise that San Antonio’s diverse cultural climate has produced a wide assortment of burger options. Of course, many of these, such as Chris Madrid’s Flaming Jalapeno and Tostada Burgers, are inspired by Mexican culture and cuisine. While you don’t have to look hard in San Antonio if you want beans, jalapenos or guacamole on your burger, on our city-wide burger search we have also encountered other imported burger concepts, such as Gourmet Burger Grill’s Caprese and Tropical Burgers and Bobby J’s Bavarian Pattie Melt. However, before setting foot in K Burger, we had not yet experienced an Asian, and more specifically a Korean, burger.

Burger – 6.5 out of 10

K Burger’s signature burger is . . . (drum roll) . . . the K Burger. K Burgers can be ordered in beef, chicken or pork, but what really makes a K Burger a K Burger is a special sauce known as bulgogi, which to untrained tastebuds (like mine) tastes a lot like teriyaki. As Where’s the Beef (who shall henceforth be stripped of his Italian heritage and known only as Where’s the Bulgogi) astutely informed the rest of us, bulgogi is more typically used to prepare a kind of Korean barbecue (a fact confirmed by that most authoritative of all sources, Wikipedia). K Burger also offers a spicy burger (available in beef, chicken or pork), as well as a traditional American beef hamburger.

In order to maintain some basis for comparison with other burger joints, we all opted for beef hamburgers, some of us ordering K Burgers and others ordering American burgers. Wanting to try both variations, Hamburglar and I shared a K Burger and an American burger with each other, thus subjecting ourselves to ridicule from the group.

K Burger claims that all meat is ground onsite. The meat did taste fresh and the patties were generously sized, but those who ordered American burgers noted that they still had a tinge of the bulgogi flavor, probably as a result of being cooked on the same griddle as the K Burgers.

Reviews of the K Burgers were mixed. While Burger Boy stated that he “was not disappointed with the exotic Asian flavorings,” Where’s the Bulgogi was less enthusiastic: “I like the Korean-American fusion idea, but some things just don’t work that well together. Korean BBQ seasoning and American style hamburgers are two of those things.”

On a positive note, everyone liked being able to customize their burgers at K Burger’s topping bar, pictured below.

Sides – 5 out of 10

All agreed that the onion rings at K Burger were off. Hamburglar thought they were undercooked, while Where’s the Bulgogi found them to be “simply atrocious.” Personally, I fear that the onion rings were not the work of K Burger at all, but were rather part of a plot by the North Koreans to punish K Burger for taking part in the great failed capitalist experiment.

Happily, though, democracy and free enterprise carried the day, and all thoughts of the abysmal onion rings were put aside when we tried K Burger’s tasty french fries, which were obviously fresh fried from hand-cut potato slices.

K Burger also offers egg rolls as a side – nice in concept but, according to Where’s the Bulgogi, who ordered one, lacking in execution.

I should note, however, that we found the soup (which was offered free as part of a special on the day we visited) to be quite tasty.

Ambience – 4.5 out of 10

K Burger’s ambience, like to some degree its burgers and sides, suffers from a failed attempt to unite Eastern and Western cultural forces in an appealing way. Burger Boy, in his usual succinct fashion, put it best: “This restaurant was an odd combination of burger joint style dive and Asian restaurant.” Clearly, yin yang, the Taoist concept of complementary opposites, is not operative when it comes to burger joints. (Okay, I know I’m applying a Chinese concept to a Korean restaurant, but you get the idea.)

I’m really not sure whether to add or deduct points for K Burger’s children’s play area, pictured below.

Price – Good

Burger Boy (who is a royal cheapskate) gave K Burger bonus points for price, primarily “because of the plethora of ways this restaurant gives you to trim your bill. Mention Yelp, get $1.00 off your combo. Ask for soup, receive a free bowl of soup. Ask for cheese and get it free. Ask for more fries and receive them free. Basically, if you know what to ask for, there’s a good chance it is free.”

Although mildly bewildered by some of what we found at K Burger, in the end we couldn’t help leaving with an overall positive impression of this little burger joint that could (or, at least, really tries to). While to some extent K Burger’s unique concept gets lost in translation, this atypical burger joint is still worth a visit.

Review # 43 - Biff Buzby's

2010-01-06T07:15:00.018-06:00

This week, our burger blog team ventured away from the city’s center and traveled to Biff Buzby’s, which is located at 12702 Toepperwien just south of 1604 on the city’s northeast side. First off, be warned that when you pull up to the place, there isn’t a whole heck of a lot of curb appeal as it’s just another store in the middle of a strip center. But, as we soon discovered, what money was earmarked for the decorating budget was completely exhausted on the interior and the tasty menu.

The owners at Biff Buzby’s picked a unique theme for their restaurant; one you don’t typically associate with your run of the mill burger joint. Aviation.

The whole place is decked out in all sorts of model airplanes and other aviation décor. However, while planes are the central motif, the restaurant is really centered around one man…Biff Buzby.

As you can tell from his picture, Biff Buzby is a polished, colorful male who appears to wear some sort of helmet with goggles. Given all the airplanes hanging from the ceiling, the natural tendency is to think Biff is some sort of pilot. However, this restaurant wants its customers to dig deeper. Upon arrival, patrons are given the ability to come to their own conclusion as to who is the man behind the picture. On the back of each menu is a prompt asking you to come up with your own idea on who is Biff Buzby.

You can even have your essay displayed on the entrance hallway.

So we all sat down and tried to brainstorm some ideas as to who is the man, the myth, the legend, Biff Buzby. I took a quick glance around the place to do some fact finding for my essay. Here are some of the interior shots…

After gathering my thoughts I could only come to one conclusion. That thick 70s mustache, the overcompensating facade as a "lady's man," his panache for accessories evidenced by his neckerchief, and most convincingly, the aptly named special room…obviously, Biff Buzby is the missing member of the village people. I always knew a pilot belonged with that group.

I will say that after all that writing, we were famished.

Burgers – 7.5

Surprisingly, the burgers were very tasty. We were surprised only in the sense that none of us had ever really heard of the place. In fact, I don’t recall how exactly it found itself on our list. In any event, we sure were glad to have discovered it as the burgers were a treat.

While there could have been a slightly greasier patty (maybe they use the George Forman Grill), the bun really sets the burger apart. The rest of the crew had the same thought…

Hamburglar - Nicely seasoned burger with a surprisingly sweet bun. A little lacking in the juiciness department, but that’s one of its only flaws.

Fry Daddy - Maintaining the right proportions is critical to making a good burger. The bun can’t overpower the meat, and the fixings and condiments have to be integral parts of the burger and not just afterthoughts. Thankfully, Biff Buzby’s understands these cardinal rules of burgerdom. The 8 oz. patty on my burger was just right – thick but not too thick, a little pink in the middle, and seasoned to perfection. The bun was fluffy and slightly sweet, in the tradition of Fatty’s, but did not mask the flavor of the ground beef. My burger also came with plenty of lettuce, tomato and pickle (Buzby’s held the onion, at my request) and just the right amount of mayo and mustard (to which I added some ketchup, which I expect will deeply offend burger elitists everywhere).

Sides – 7.5

Here again, Biff’s performs well. While I usually take offense to establishments who fail to include tator tots on the menu, I made an exception for Biff’s since instead, they have homemade potato chips as an option in addition to the usual fries and onion rings. Plus, all patrons receive a small side of pinto beans too, and we at sanantonioburger.com love our freebees.

Hamburglar - Onion rings were great, but the steak fries left something to be desired (I’m not a big steak fry fan). The lack of tater tots was disappointing, but the home made potato chips were a nice tasty surprise and made up for the missing tots.

Fry Daddy - My favorite of Biff Buzby’s sides offerings were the onion rings, which were thin and crunchy. The homemade potato chips deserve an honorable mention, while the fries were fairly standard steak fries.

Ambience – 6.5

As mentioned previously, the ambience is a nice change of pace from your typical burger junk thrown on the walls. The planes were a nice touch and really give you a feel of a fun family restaurant. My colleagues agreed.

Fry Daddy – I wasn’t digging the whole strip mall vibe when we arrived at Biff Buzby’s, but once seated I began to appreciate the ambience more. Buzby’s scores points for thematic consistency, and once I sunk my teeth into my burger I couldn’t have cared less about ambience.

Hamburglar - Who is Biff Buzby? I think he is a man with the ability to turn a strip center burger joint into a unique restaurant/airplane hangar on the inside. The airplane décor on the inside was a nice change of pace from the usual burger joint flare, and I’m sure it is a big hit with the little tots.

In the end, Biff Buzby’s has a great burger, reasonably priced food, and friendly service. I recommend stopping by if you’re in the area.

Review #42 - TJ's Hamburgers

2009-12-29T18:04:00.013-06:00

Our burger blogging crew hit up this south-side staple back in late October, but due to my procrastination I'm just getting the post up now. Am I sorry? No- good things come to those who wait.

Everyone we talked to about TJ's raved about it, and it seems to be the consensus king of south San Antonio burger joints. With expectations high, we ventured out to see for ourselves.

TJ's physical structure is very...unassuming, to put it mildly. I'm a transplant and not up on south-side history, but it looks to me that TJ's, or its predecessor, may have been a drive in at some point. At the very least, it can now boast that it offers its patrons semi-covered parking in case one of those rare hail storms ever rolls in.

Upon entering TJ's one will find a pretty standard menu, with burger options ranging from the $1.45 Junior Burger to the $5.17 triple meat. That's about as creative as the menu gets- you sure as heck won't find a lamb or caprese burger at this joint. TJ himself was working during our visit, and it is always nice to see an owner take pride in his product.

Burger: 8 out of 10

TJ's burger came out piping hot. I know the phrase "piping hot" is used in food reviews as much as "unbelievable" is thrown around a Monday Night Football broadcast, but in this case, the burgers were literally steaming when we unwrapped them. TJ's patties are clearly hand-formed and perfectly seasoned. Here's what some of my fellow bloggers had to say:

Hamburglar: "A piping hot burger, complimented by just the right amount of seasoning and grease on the bun. Delicious."

Fry Daddy: "The deliciousness of this hot and juicy monster of a burger caught me by surprise...I would have preferred a large single patty to the two quarter-pound patties on my double meat burger, but overall my hat goes off to this unassuming little burger joint for creating a fine piece of burger craftsmanship."

That's a picture of the less formidable quarter pounder. As you can tell from the pictures, the buttery sheen of the burgers had all of our mouths watering, and TJ did not disappoint.

Sides: 6 out of 10

The sides were somewhat forgettable. The lack of more side options didn't sit well with some of our bloggers. Here are our collective thoughts:

Fry Daddy: "I found the thickly breaded, dark brown onion rings quite tasty. The thin fries were good but fairly ordinary."

Hamburglar: "The rings were pretty good, but ordinary fries and a lack of tater-tots on the menu brings this rating down."

Burger Boy: "Nothing special here, come for the burger."

If memory serves me correctly, I ordered a vanilla shake and was pretty satisfied with the result. Burger Boy hits the nail on the head with his take on TJ's sides.

Ambiance: 5 out of 10

Ah, the WOAI Kitchen Cop Blue Plate Award. I don't know about you, but when I see one of these I generally feel pretty good about the establishment I am about to eat in. TJ's allegedly won this prestigious award in July 2007.

The blue plate's reassurance was quickly dashed, however, once a swarm of flies descended on our table. The good news is that the flies were only around while we were waiting for our food. They somewhat nonsensically disappeared once our burgers arrived. Maybe the steam from the patties drove them off. Whatever the case, if you are bothered by little winged creatures you should consider getting your burger to go.

While annoying, I personally will not let a few flies stop me from snagging a TJ's double meat burger if I happen to be in that part of town. This south-side staple has withstood the test of time, and should definitely be a stop for any serious burger lover.

Happy New Year from all of us at the San Antonio Burger Blog!

Review #41 – Big’z Burger Joint

2009-12-13T21:55:00.008-06:00

We’ve fallen a little behind in our reviews/posts and we apologize. We were sidetracked by the holidays and all the turkey, ham, dressing and, in Burger Boy’s case, gizzards. But, we are back and ready to start anew, and we already have a few reviews in the queue to be fired off in slew.

Big’z is located at 2303 N. Loop 1604 W., on the north side of 1604 between Bitters and Huebner. The place looks like a bit like a giant red barn and is hard to miss. For those who don’t know, Big’z is owned by the well known San Antonio chef Andrew Weissman and was ranked 21st by Texas Monthly as one of the 50 Best Hamburgers in Texas. With its pedigree and accolade, we gathered up our group of burger bloggers with families in tow to experience a burger joint owned by a world renowned chef. We were anticipating a frou-frou restaurant, but what we got was a happening burger joint that’s ideal for families.

Below is what greets you when you walk in the door to Big’z. In my opinion, a restaurant should always offer their patrons an iced down cold one when they walk in the door, this is Texas for crying out loud let’s keep up the hospitality.
While you peruse your beverage selection, you can stare at the giant menu on the wall and wonder if the over-sized menu is why they call the place Big'z.

The Burger – 7.5 out of 10

This is a solid burger: ½ pound of fresh ground Angus beef, cooked medium (unless ordered otherwise), well seasoned and served naked with fresh toppings on the side and a stocked condiment bar in the waiting. On the plus side, you can add a wide variety of toppings to your burger for a little extra green - I added some sliced avocados and was not disappointed. On the negative side, we couldn’t put our fingers on exactly what was missing on the Big'z burger, but the burger as a whole was lacking a certain something. I’ll let my fellow bloggers have a shot at describing the Big’z Burger:

Fry Daddy: The burger looked good when it came out. The meat was cooked medium as ordered and was adequately seasoned and the other ingredients were fresh. But, at least in this case, the whole was not greater than the sum of its parts, and I was a bit disappointed with the end product. This was a good solid burger, but it lacked that special something to bump it into the ranks of San Antonio burger royalty.

Prefers His Tots Tatered: This is a tale of two burgers. If I was judging by meat only, I would probably give it closer to a 9 as the patty was thick, juicy and pretty damn tasty. However, there is more to a burger than just the patty. The problem with Big’z is that the bun is just average and the fixins are sub-standard for a quality burger joint. Also, I am still bitter about forgetting to make my burger “dirty.”

What did Prefers His Tots Tatered mean by making a burger dirty you ask?

Well, I’ll let the picture below and Burger Boy speak to that:

Burger Boy: This was a solid burger that became a great burger because I exercised the option to add a fried egg. To employ the parlance of Big’z, I definitely like my burgers “dirty.” You will too. Prefers his tots tattered looked so sad that he forgot to get his burger dirty.

Sides – 7 out of 10

Decent fries and tasty hand-battered onion rings are what Big’z brings to the table. Unfortunately, Big’z is missing what I fear may becoming an extinct side in American burger joints, the elusive tater tot. It seems like more and more burger joints are not offering the golden nuggets of goodness. I’m going to look into starting an ad campaign to bring these babies back!

Prefers His Tots Tatered said it best, “While the onion rings were definitely hand battered and delicious, the fries seemed like they were straight from the frozen bag. Plus, there were no tots so Bigz gets some minus points with me. I will say though that I do enjoy my fair share of adult beverages, and Bigz has a great selection, including several beers on tap. Prosit!”

Ambiance – 8.0 out of 10

Ambiance is where Big’z has the ability to shine. As we’ve said before, our ratings are based upon our official visit to a burger joint, so sometimes a burger joint may have an off day when we swing by for our review. In the case of Big’z during our official visit, the place was slammed with people. In fact, I think Dick Cheney may have made an appearance (see picture below).

Fry Daddy hit the nail on the head with his summary of the ambiance: “Big’z’ ambience on a weeknight is almost a 10, with the shady patio dining area being the perfect place to relax and enjoy a burger while your kids wear themselves out running circles on the Astroturf. On Saturday night, though, when just finding a parking space is a tremendous accomplishment and the swarms of people on the patio and Astroturf are reminiscent of an anthill after a donut has been dropped on it, ambience is probably about a 5. The cavernous interior dining area doesn’t help Big’z any in this respect. If I wanted to eat dinner in a concrete bunker, I would visit Burgermeister Meisterburger, who probably has one in his backyard stocked with ammo and MREs.”
Hitting Big’z on a cool San Antonio night and dining out on the patio while the little tots run themselves ragged and you toss back a tall boy with a tasty burger can be idealistic, but timing the visit on a night when the crowd is small can be priceless. Check Big'z out on a week night and you’ll likely have yourself a MasterCard moment.

Review # 40 - Joe's Hamburger Place

2009-11-10T20:52:00.016-06:00

We have been to a ton of burger joints in San Antonio on our quest for the best burger in town, but of all the places we have been, Joe’s is unlike anything we have experienced before. In fact, it may have been one of our favorite burger joint experiences yet.

Joe’s is a strictly “word of mouth” burger joint, and by” word of mouth” we mean that you might not find the place if someone doesn’t tell you where it is located. As you can see in the picture above, Joe’s sits in a building that has no signage and provides no indication that it is a burger joint. Rest assured, our job at the San Antonio Burger Blog is to get the word out about the locations of all of San Antonio’s burger joints, but we think part of the allure of Joe’s is that it is a bit of a mystery to find. So in keeping with the mystery, instead of providing the exact address for Joe’s, we’re only giving you the cross streets in the picture below and the building picture above. We’re confident that you’ll be able to use your sleuthing skills to solve the mystery and experience Joe’s for yourself.

The best part about the Joe’s experience is the owner Phyllis. Phyllis runs the show – she takes the orders, cooks the burgers and rings up the sales, all while stating what’s on her mind to the lucky customers at the 6 seat counter. When we walked in, she said: “What are you boys looking for - trouble?” When we replied “no,” she countered with “Well, I am.” Phyllis is like a curmudgeonly old grandmother that you love to be around because she flat out tells it like it is. We’ll sprinkle this review with some of her quotes from our recent visit - what we shall refer to as “Phyllisisms.”

An insider tip – if Phyllis doesn’t feel like opening up shop, then the place is closed for the day. So, if you call ahead you can save yourself a wasted trip if the place is closed. The number is (210) 733-0542, but I wouldn’t recommend asking too many questions or you might get a brash response. When we watched a customer try to come in the wrong door (which was locked), Phyllis said “If they can’t figure out how to get in the door, then I tell them to go away.” Another excited patron told Phyllis he had brought friends from Austin for a burger for their first time - her response: “Tell them to leave.”

The Burger - 7 out of 10

Ever wonder if your burger patty is fresh or if it is of the pre-made and pre-frozen variety? Well, at Joe’s there is no question, it’s made fresh. Have a seat at the counter and Phyllis will ask: “What are you having, honey?” The correct response, by the way, is a small or large burger. Next, Phyllis reaches under the counter and grabs a handful of ground beef and throws it on a well seasoned, antique griddle right there in front of you. There are very few burger joints anymore that offer patrons an opportunity to have a front row seat at the birth of their burgers, and we found it refreshing and nostalgic.

As for the burger, it was moist, hot, appropriately seasoned and flavored with Phyllis’ secret sauce. The toppings are basic and few (no lettuce, tomato or pickles), but we found this to be consistent with Joe’s simple theme. As for the secret sauce, we think it was a nice addition to the burger and gave it a unique flavor. When we questioned Phyllis about the ingredients in the secret sauce (which sits in a pot on the griddle and is ladled on your patty after it is cooked), she replied: “There’s only one other person who knows the secret sauce, and she’s a kid in Seattle. Not even my daughter knows.” Clearly, some secrets run deep. And given how the burger seemed to settle into our stomachs for the rest of the afternoon, we’re not sure we want to know the secret. Here’s what some of my fellow bloggers had to say:

Fry Daddy: Joe’s burgers were served fresh, moist and piping hot, and even though they may not win in a blind taste test of San Antonio burgers, watching Phyllis make the burgers – literally – by hand and cook them on the antique griddle in this tiny little burger shack that time forgot easily ranks as one of the most memorable burger experiences of my life.

Burgermeister on the Burger: This is how burgers should be made. Grab a handful of ground beef. Throw it on the griddle and squash it down with a spatula (or your hand). Throw some onions on for taste, slosh it with special sauce, wrap it in white paper and drop it on the counter in front of the patron.

Sides – N/A

Your options for sides are a bag of Fritos or a bag of Tom’s Potato Chips. We opted for a second large burger in lieu of a side and we weren’t disappointed.

Ambiance and Service – 8 out of 10

Really, how do you rate a place like this for ambiance? It’s definitely not the nicest of places, and there is a bit of clutter around on the inside, but this small intimate burger shack won us over. It was like going to your grandmother’s house and having her cook you a burger and chat with you about politics, taxes and the good old days, and when you leave you crack up thinking about some of the off-color comments that she made. Comments like, “I didn’t vote for your President.” Or, “I think Ann Coulter is funny.” You won’t find that at any other burger joint in town, we guarantee.

Fry Daddy on Ambiance: Most burger joints try to come off as being authentic and non-commercial, but Joe’s is the real deal. Phyllis is the real deal, too. I wish I could adopt her as my grandmother, if only so she could make me a sack of hot hamburgers for lunch every day, along with a hearty helping of liberal bashing.

Burgermeister on Ambience – If ambience means that a burger joint should be on your “bucket” list, then Joe’s should get a ‘10’. And by the looks of most of the clientele, they are getting there
just in time. Also, I give the ambience a ‘10” because she had Rush Limbaugh on the radio. No pinko commie liberals in this place.

Price - Excellent

We ordered 8 large cheeseburgers, 4 bags of chips and 4 sodas and we were shocked at the price – 15 bucks total. Now, that’s hard to beat. As for our receipt, Phyllis wrote it down on the countertop in front of us, which was a first for us.

In sum, if you are looking for a burger experience unlike any you have had before, head over to Joe’s and order a large cheeseburger with a side of Phyllisisms. We think you’ll be glad you did. Did we mention that Phyllis is grandmotherly? Meaning, when she decides to close up shop for good, this unique San Antonio burger joint will be gone. Grab a burger before you miss the opportunity.

On a side note - it has been reported in the comment section to our Suzy Q's post that one of our lady readers experienced her first "Burgasm" after reading our review of Chris Madrid's. All we have to say is, finally!

Review # 39 - MoMak's Backyard Malts & Burgers

2009-10-31T19:42:00.035-05:00

It seems entirely appropriate that I write this review of MoMak’s as I sit on my front porch handing out candy to the hoards of kids who come by this Halloween night. Halloween is all about the kids, and so is MoMak’s… As you read the portions of this review relating to Burgers and Sides you may get the impression that we didn’t much care for MoMak’s. Nothing could be further from the truth (at least for those of us with children). Any deficiencies in MoMak’s prandial offerings were more than overcome by the totally kid/parent friendly atmosphere.

Burgers - 6 out of 10

We were initially quite excited to be heading to MoMak’s because the restaurant was rated the nineteenth best burger in all of Texas. Naturally, this created some fairly high expectations for the burger. After all, we’ve been to some pretty amazing burger places just in San Antonio, so it seems like the nineteenth best burger in Texas ought to be pretty phenomenal.

Our expectations exceeded the reality of a MoMak’s burger. The burgers were good, but not great. Certainly not the nineteenth best in Texas (or else Texas burgers have seriously declined in quality).

Everything about the burger seemed quite average. This was definitely a consensus opinion.

Fry Daddy - After all the anticipation created by Texas Monthly ranking the MoMak Classic Burger #19 in the whole state of Texas, the burger was spectacularly unspectacular. The meat was underseasoned and overcooked (not medium, as advertised), and MoMak’s was pretty chintzy on the fixings (only one small tomato slice, two pickle slices and a bit of lettuce adorned my 7 oz. burger). To be fair, the burger was not terrible, but I think I could have made a better burger in my own backyard.

Where’s the Beef - Don’t believe the hype. I don’t know who they paid at Texas Monthly, but their rating did not match the burger. The meat was ok but it was not well seasoned. The bun wasn’t as toasty and delicious as MoMak’s better competitors in town.

Burgermeister Meisterburger - I read the Texas Monthly article and tried to duplicate their #19 burger. Much to my disappointment, it just doesn’t live up to the hype. It was a fine burger, but in my opinion it was a bit bland and had no real outstanding feature. Frau Meisterburger had the Tres Caliente, which is MoMak’s spicy burger option (she has, after all, a spicy personality, even for a Hessian – I sometimes call her my little “Britney Picklespears”). She thought it was tasty and would have rated it much higher, but I, being Burgermeister (i.e. totalitarian, fascist, and all other appropriate qualities for a despot rolled into one, big, cranky package) told her that her opinion is unimpressive, unofficial and uninformed and will not be allowed to despoil our hallowed halls of burgerblogdom!

Sides - 6 out of 10

The MoMak’s sides were fine, but like the burger, not phenomenal.

I, for one, usually enjoy eating my food out of buckets, but somehow even the excellent presentation didn’t overcome the overall mediocrity of the sides.

They also had something they referred to as a “salad.” I’m pretty sure MoMak’s loses points for offering up what should be merely a garnish to a burger as if it were an entrée in and of itself. I know some of the women in our group ordered these “salads” instead of burgers, but I can’t bring myself to rate a “salad” as anything other than a side. After all, the primary ingredient of a “salad” appeared to be, to my unstudied eye, lettuce. And as we all know, lettuce is merely a garnish to be placed on top of a patty of meat just between the meat and a bun. If I ever ordered a “salad” I’m pretty sure I’d order it garnished with a side of prime rib. In any event, if you’re into such things, here’s a picture. Meh.

Returning to the true sides, I’d usually go off on a rant about how I like my fries golden and crispy, but the Halloween festivities all around me must be mellowing me out. Instead, I’ll let Meisterburger go on his usual crotchety rant.

Burgermeister Meisterburger - Fries and rings were just ordinary, but they have many different options which cannot be ignored. The milkshakes are awesome. Also, the bottlecaps (fried jalapeno slices) and fried okra should not be missed.

Oh wait… he really liked the sides, so I’ll temper his enthusiasm with some other opinions.

Fry Daddy - The fries were overdone. However, the onion rings were thick, crunchy and pretty tasty, and my strawberry shake was dee-licious.

Where’s the Beef - Fries and onion rings were pretty good, not great. My milkshake was disappointingly watery.

Ambiance - 9 out of 10

Before you get the wrong impression of MoMak’s from the foregoing comments, know that I’ve saved the best for last. It is in ambiance that MoMak’s really shines--if you have kids. If you don’t have kids, I imagine that MoMak’s might be a bit of a downer. Gentle reader, you may be the kind of person who hates when kids run around and have a good time while you are eating. If such is your temperament, then by all means, go eat at some fancy restaurant that serves portions so small that if you fart, you’re hungry again. But if you’re a real American and want your kids to have a good time while you enjoy an adult beverage on a patio with your friends, then MoMak’s is definitely for you.

MoMak’s has an excellent porch.

From which the responsible parent can enjoy an adult beverage whilst keeping an ever-watchful eye on his/her progeny.

As they play soccer…

Or climb on the Rainbow playscape…

All while safely ensconced inside the fully enclosed play area.

MoMak’s even had the staple of every little kid’s diet…

Burgermeister Meisterburger - You cannot overstate the great atmosphere of this place. It doesn’t fit a typical burger joint mold, but it is a place you can come and hang out for hours. The monstrous playfield is awesome for active kids. The playscape absolutely decimates that pathetic splinter slide at Longhorn Café. The multi-level deck has ample, shaded seating where you can watch the Meisterburger children terrorizing the other children (including the Fry Babies and the Burger Boy’s Boys). Inside they have multiple wide screen TVs and several seating areas appropriate for private parties. I believe that they even have bands play sometimes, though this all occurs after my bedtime.

Fry Daddy - When it comes to ambience, MoMak’s is a family burger paradise. The big playset and enormous sports field kept the kids occupied all evening. The covered patio dining area was fantastic and afforded a great view of the fenced-off kids area, although it seemed even parents dining inside could keep an eye on their kids through the enormous windows facing the playground and field. All in all, quite perfect for mom and dad burger lovers and their kids. If only the burgers had been better . . .

In short, if you’re looking for a restaurant where both you AND the kids can have a good time with friends, then MoMak’s is for you. I know that my boys took off at full speed when they saw the play area. And I had the peace of mind knowing that they were safely fenced into the play area.

Review # 38 - Suzy Q’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers [& Mexican Restaurant]

2009-10-27T13:11:00.019-05:00

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tennessee, September 17, 2002

Well, “W” we should have listened to you. First, there was “The Malt House." Sounds like a cool fifties burger joint, right? Well, not so fast, buckaroo.

Now, we come to “Suzy Q’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers.”

Doesn’t this sound like a great burger joint of old? Well, fool me twice . . . shame on you . . . no, shame on me . . . dammit, George . . . why have thou confused me so!

Suzy Q’s is a short convenient drive from downtown San Antonio at 1422 Nagolitos Street. As you get off of I-35S onto Nagolitos, you can’t miss the place. It is about 100 yards off the freeway and has a huge sign painted on the wall facing the highway. This was our first sign, however, that the day might not go as planned. It seemed that Suzy Q was still “old-fashioned” but was no longer “Hamburgers.”

But our hopes were not completely dashed yet. As we pulled into the parking lot, there was another “thematically consistent” mural. (See my review of Armadillo's for the importance of thematic consistency)

In addition, there was a comfortable, party-like flair to the outside of Suzy’s. There was a big dirt parking lot.

The entrance had a welcoming feeling.

There was a large shaded patio that would be awesome for lunch or dinner on a cool spring or fall evening.

But as we entered, we realized that this is just another Mexican restaurant with a burger. The burger is just one option on a menu filled with Mexican and Tex-Mex dishes. (Don’t ask me what the difference is. This is a burger blog, not a taco or enchilada blog!) The burgers, however, are featured on the menu as the “Suzy Q” or the “Old-Fashioned.” And they are obviously proud of their burger as proven by this professionally done burger-model shoot.

Fool me thrice . . . that’s not so nice.

Burgers – 5 out of 10

Well, we came and so we had to order. We were not going to get waylaid by the chips and warm salsa (which was very good, I might add). And ordering was easy. Do you want cheese? Do you want fries? I did ask for mine with jalapenos. They were happy to oblige, even though it was not a menu option . . . it is after all a Mexican restaurant and jalapenos are a major staple.

The verdict? OK, but nothing to write home about. In fact, I am not going to write another word about this burger. Instead, you can see what the other bloggers have to say about it.

Likes His Tots Tatered: Me gusta la hamburguesa, pero no lo adoro. Why the Spanish, you ask? Well, that’s because Suzie Q’s is actually a Mexican restaurant. Our researchers were tricked into thinking this establishment was a burger joint by the use of “Burger” in the restaurant’s name. We were mistaken. In any event, the burgers were nothing great. Pretty much your standard fare.

Where’s the Beef: The meat itself was blah and reminiscent of a fast food hamburger. I was also the victim of some kitchen errors. I ordered a double “old fashion”, but got a double “Suzy Q” instead (only difference was the cheese, so not a big deal, since I am not lactose intolerant). Additionally, while the menu offered mayo by request only, I got it on my burger even though I didn’t request it- very frustrating.

Burger Boy: Mexican restaurants often have the best greasy burgers. While this one was slightly less greasy than I prefer, it was still quite good.

Sides – 4.5

The sides fared no better than the burger. But what can you expect. They had only fries as an option. We don’t count nachos or queso or chips or guacamole or salsa as sides, so no extra points for these options.

Likes His Tots Tatered: Suzy only had fries during this visit, but they were decent. The chili cheese fries looked ok, but I didn’t try any as I decided to spare my intestines from the fury and wrath that would surely follow.

Where’s the Beef?: The fries were clearly out of a Sysco bag and they were overcooked. They were “out” of onion rings, which leads me to believe the Sysco delivery forgot something this week…

Ambiance - 5

This could have been an area where Suzy Q’s shone, but it wasn’t. The shaded patio, while very inviting, was devoid of chairs and there was no apparent way to get out to it other than crawling over the fence.

#1 with Cheese: It was a Mexican restaurant - if you have been to one you’ve been to this one. The service was very nice but sloooooowwwwww. The price was right, however. You can’t complain too much when you get a cheeseburger, fries, and coke for less than $5.00.

Where’s the Beef: I was pleasantly surprised by the physical building itself. It looked like it had just undergone a renovation and was well air-conditioned, which is more than most burger joints can say. I am hesitant to call this a burger “joint,” as most patrons were ordering the Mexican food options on the menu. This place was more like a Mexican restaurant that happened to serve burgers.

Burger Boy: The restaurant appears to have been recently renovated and all the walls, fixtures, etc. looked very new. I would have ranked it higher in this category had the place been a burger joint instead of a Mexican restaurant.

All-in-all, we were slightly disappointed by Suzy Q’s. Not because the burgers were awful. Not because the sides were stale. Not because the place was dirty. Suzy Q's was none of these things. But regardless of how many times we have been fooled before – once, twice, thrice, quadrice (is that a word?) – we don’t appreciate it and will not take responsibility. Suzy, you are not an old-fashioned burger joint and don’t try to tell us otherwise.

Review # 37 - Abe's Boys Burgers

2009-10-01T21:48:00.050-05:00

For me, the burger seems to just taste better knowing that the burger joint is named after the person actually doing the cooking. Do you see Wendy slaving away in the kitchen in any of the Wendy’s restaurants? Are the Five Guys whipping up delicious burgers, or are they just the typical nameless, faceless investors who think about the bottom line? Do I even need to ask about the descendants of the McDonald brothers (Dick and Mac), who probably only know how to cash their sizable royalty checks. We have also reviewed numerous local establishments that appear to have been named after someone, whether real or not (at least 17 by this blogger's count). In how many of these joints does the actual person whom the restaurant is named after actually participate in the most important aspect of a burger joint -- cooking that greasified goodness we all love?*

*Incidentally, you may be wondering about the Lord’s Kitchen. However, it is this blogger’s opinion that those burgers are so good, the Lord may actually have something to do with them.

Abe's is located at 615 E. Amber St. Abe and his boys not only proudly named their restaurant after themselves, they run the whole show. When we visited, Abe was in the kitchen cooking the burgers and one of his boys was the waiter and handling the register. That's it. Just Abe, his boy and hungry patrons. This restaurant is one of a kind (not to say it is all positive), and clearly the product of Abe and his boys.

Burger - 5.5 out of 10

Abe did not need steroids (see picture on the right) to make our burgers.

For supposedly a 1/3 pound patty of fresh beef, these seemed a bit skimpy -- yes, even considering some of the weight cooks off on the grill. But we applaud Abe's sense of humor, even if it is at the expense of a truly juicy, greasy patty.

As for the menu, it is simple, just how a burger joint is supposed to be.

What truly makes a worthy burger is the meat, and Abe's burgers just fell short. The bun was hot, buttery and toasty, and never in danger of getting soggy in grease. The lettuce, tomato and the like were all clearly fresh. However, the meat patty was indistinguishable at best, leading some to question whether it came from the freezer. All in all, it was just ok, and ok doesn't win any prizes or get to date the prom queen.

Here are what the others had to say:

Fry Daddy - Part of me wants to give this burger a higher rating. The toppings were cool and fresh, the bun was toasted and buttery, and I didn’t even mind the American cheese (cheddar was $1 extra). But the meat was minimally seasoned and possibly made from a frozen patty (though I can’t be sure).

Burger Boy - This was a solid burger, but nothing exceptional. The meat was a little less greasy than I prefer and needed more seasoning.

Hamburglar - A burger with potential, but missing that extra something.

Where's the Beef? - The bun was toasted, buttery, and delicious, but the burger patty itself left me underwhelmed. I ordered the 1/3 pound burger, and was served something that looked closer in size to McDonald’s basic hamburger. The patty itself needed more seasoning. I couldn’t tell if it was fresh or frozen, but I’m leaning towards frozen. Not a terrible burger, but not a great burger either.

Sides - 7.5 out of 10

This is where Abe's shined the most. The fries tasted very fresh, were hand cut and cooked to perfection. Essentially, what the meat patty lacked (unseasoned, likely frozen), the fries seemed to have. There are not many places in SA that can best these scrumptious fries. The onion rings were also very palatable, although they did not get the same ringing endorsement as the fries. Some in the group also expressed disappointment that tots are not offered by Abe and his boys.

Fry Daddy - Abe's had some of the best hand-cut fries we've had so far, and the onion rings weren't bad either.

Hamburglar - The fries were really good and the onion rings were decent, but Abe’s lack of tots brings this rating down.

Burger Boy - The fries were some of the best I've had.

Where's the Beef? - We were told the fries and onion rings were homemade, and they tasted that way. The fries stole the show, and the onion rings were very good as well.

Ambiance - 6.0 out of 10

The service was great by one of Abe's boys, as he was very friendly. Unfortunately, there was a long wait for our burgers, which seemed odd considering there weren't too many people in Abe's. This led to speculation that the meat patties were frozen and took longer to cook. Another plus in my book is how Abe's boy handled a group of ornery customers that did not want to pay the prices listed on the menu. Abe's boy was firm and respectful to them, without causing a scene, and that helped us pass the long wait for our burgers. The decor was mostly Mexican themed art, a little sports paraphernalia, in addition to some random items that don't fit into any discernible category. There is also a jukebox that livened the place up a bit. To me, the building looked like it used to be a convenience store.

Fry Daddy - Abe’s had the feel of a small family-owned operation (which it is), and I’m a sucker for that. I also enjoyed viewing what I assume were Abe’s boys’ high school art projects, which were prominently displayed throughout the restaurant.

Hamburglar - Not your typical burger joint ambiance, but I liked the décor and the jukebox music. Although, when the music wasn’t playing the place was eerily quiet.

Burger Boy - The ambiance was like a cinder block bunker.

Where's the Beef? - There is a difference between a burger “joint” and a place that just isn’t trying hard enough. Unfortunately, Abe’s falls into the latter category. It had a hodge podge of Mexican influenced décor, and just looked tired and old. We were told Abe’s has been open 11 years, and you can definitely tell that it has seen better days. The service was very slow, considering the place was almost empty. Our waiter, however, was very friendly. It was surprisingly expensive, and I shelled out just under $10 for my diet coke, burger and onion rings.

Abe also supports a defensive driving school, although it is unclear if Abe's customers receive any kind of discount.

Abe's is cash only so bring more than your plastic. If you haven't asked yourselves who is cooking your burgers lately, remember that you'll always know that answer at Abe's Boys Burgers.

Review # 36 - Candy's Old Fashion Burgers

2009-09-26T16:02:00.033-05:00

Some of our recent burger outings having left, quite literally, a bad taste in our mouths, we decided we needed something sweet for a change, and headed to Candy’s Old Fashion Burgers. Candy's is located in the heart of downtown San Antonio, near the Bexar County Courthouse and just around the corner from San Fernando Cathedral, where the remains of Travis, Crockett, Bowie and other heroes of the Alamo lie entombed. Surely, we thought, any burger joint erected in the shadow of greatness could not fail to be great itself.

Candy's may be a small operation, but it was immediately apparent that news of this burger joint had gotten out in a big way. The joint was busy from the moment we stepped through the door until the moment we left. Candy's loyal following is just further proof of that great universal truth - EVERYONE loves Candy.

However, there was only one way for us to determine whether Candy's cult following consisted of independently minded converts or mind-controlled fanatics. We had to try these greasy mounds of meat and bread for ourselves.

The Burger - 6.5 out of 10

The general consensus among the reviewers was that Candy's serves up a solid but fairly standard burger.

The double meat and cheese burger which I ordered (advertised as having over half a pound of meat) was definitely a two-hander. The well seasoned patties protruded from the bun and, although thin and a bit crispy on the outside, were slightly pink and moist on the inside. The burger was served piping hot, the flavor of the melted American cheese melding nicely with the meat. The fixings were fresh, and the bun was big and slightly greasy, just the way I like it. Overall, Candy's serves a good burger - maybe a little run-of-the-mill, but definitely solid and satisfying.

Burgermeister Meisterburger, whose burger came loaded with jalepenos at his request, noted that by the end of the meal he couldn’t distinguish the burger from the fries from the onion rings from an old sock. "My fault, not Candy’s," he gasped, between gulps of ice water.

Sides - 4.5 out of 10

Candy's sides offerings were the one sour part of our otherwise saccharine dining experience. The fries, while handcut, were greasy and limp, and in my opinion a bit underdone.

The onion rings were dark and crispy but "nothing special," according to Prefers His Tots Tatered (who was noticeably bothered by the absence of tater tots on the menu). In our best estimate, the rings probably came pre-packaged.

Ambience - 7.5 out of 10

Candy's is a classic burger joint, both in the sense of having tons of assorted junk adorning the walls (like so many other burger joints we've been to) but also in that most of that junk hails from the 1950's classic rock era (or from one of its neighboring decades). The 50's music playing on the restaurant's sound system was proof that the decorating job was not haphazard but rather part of a grander thematic plan.

Here are what other reviewers had to say:

Hamburglar - It was a small place, but had definite burger dive appeal and every table was full.

Prefers His Tots Tatered - Candy's had a certain charm since it was a tiny dive with good music and an overall good vibe. I will say, though, that they could use some better ventilation. As I write this review, I smell like old grease from just sitting in the restaurant.

Burgermeister Meisterburger - With a name like Candy’s, I was expecting to see a few more women of loose morals hanging around. However, Candy saved herself by maintaining a thematic consistency. Candy made sure we felt like we were in a fifty’s-style joint (very much unlike the Malt House) from the golden oldies tracks to the anteek kitsch (old food tins, etc.) on the walls. Also, the price was very reasonable.

Overall, this classic mom and pop burger joint with a 50's twist won us over, if not by serving up stellar hamburgers, then by its noncommercial feel and nostalgic charm. So next time you are paying your respects to Davy Crockett or taking a break from jury duty at the Bexar County Courthouse, be sure to drop by Candy's for a good burger in a great setting.

Review #35 - Bubba's Burgers & Shakes [RIP]

2009-09-20T11:11:00.032-05:00

[Editors' Note: Bubba's is no longer in business.]

They say in the restaurant business that location is everything, a quality product doesn't hurt. I am sorry to report that Bubba's Burgers & Shakes has neither. The bloggers ventured to Bubba's recently and left with lighter wallets and unsatisfied stomachs.

The first issue with Bubba's was its location: is it off 281 or 410? Why does it need a fence in front? Why should you even care?

And before we even set foot in Bubba's, it was off to a poor start. Sysco, the king food distributor in Texas, beat us to lunch. We can't be sure if our burgers came straight off the truck, or if we were eating last week's delivery.

The Burger - 4.5 out of 10:

Bloggers were uniform in their dislike of the Bubba's Burger. As Fry Daddy put it, the meat was incredibly ordinary, and the bun was dry and hard. The patty should be the centerpoint of any good burger. However, at Bubba's a mediocore patty "about as good as an HEB pre-cooked burger" (per Burgermeister Meisterburger) was overshadowed by a stale Kaiser roll bun. Burger Boy described the bun as a sawdust-like wheat product with sesame seeds. Some burger spots have used the bun to turn an average burger into a good one (see Brenda's review), and a good burger into a great one (see Fatty's review). At Bubba's, a mediocore patty is made worse by a stale bun.

Sides - 5.5 out of 10

Sysco's Texas Toothpicks (fried jalapenos and onion strips) and pretty good milkshakes saved this rating from being lower. There were ample choices for sides - fries (both normal and sweet potato), tots, and the toothpicks - but all were quite ordinary.

Ambience - 4 out of 10:

Several bloggers suspected that Bubba's used to be a Waffle House or Denny's. Bubba's has plenty of space and normal burger crap (perhaps we are getting desensitized) but lacked any authenticity. Writing on the walls, check. Posters and paraphernalia from the 1950s to 1970s, check. Overpriced burgers, check. Perhaps Sysco distributes this stuff in its weekly delivery, because we see it everywhere.

If you needed another reason to drive past Bubba's, try the price. Fry Daddy paid $12.57 for a cheeseburger, sweet potato fries and a milkshake. Sorry, Bubba, I don't think we'll come again.

Sides Rankings

2009-09-11T17:01:00.036-05:00

Sides Rankings (as of 2/11/10)*:

Big Bob's (9.5)
Bobby J's(9.0)
Bracken Store Cafe(8.5)
Tycoon Flats (8.5)
Armadillo's (8.0)
Gourmet Burger Grill (8.0)
The Cove (8.0)
Abe's Boys Burgers (7.5)
Biff Buzby's Burgers (7.5)
Broadway 50/50 (7.5)
Timbo's (7.5)
Big'z Burger Joint (7.0)
Cheesy Jane's (7.0)
Longhorn Cafe (7.0)
Lucky Burger (7.0)
Chris Madrid's (6.5)
Five Guys (6.5)
Texas Hamburger Co. (6.5)
Cappy's (6.0)
Chester's (6.0)
Chunky's (6.0)
MoMak's (6.0)
Sam's Burger Joint (6.0)
TJ's Hamburgers (6.0)
Bubba's Burgers & Shakes (5.5)
Lord's Kitchen (5.5)
Brenda's Burgers (5.0)
Bunsen Burgers (5.0)
Burger Boy (5.0)
Che's Chicken & Burgers (5.0)
Fatty's (5.0)
Floyd's Dairy Bar (5.0)
Fuddrucker's (5.0)
K Burger (5.0)
Luther's (5.0)
Porky's (5.0)
Belle's Burgers (4.5)
Candy's Old Fashion Burgers (4.5)
Suzy Q's Old Fashioned Hamburgers (4.5)
Babe's Burgers (4.0)
Orderup (4.0)
The Malt House (4.0)
Uncle Barney's (4.0)
Griff's Hamburgers (3.0)
Murf's Better Burger (1.5)

* - Ties are listed in alphabetical order.

Ambience Rankings

2009-09-11T16:41:00.024-05:00

Ambience Rankings (as of 2/11/10)*:

Chris Madrid's (9.0)
MoMak's (9.0)
The Cove (9.0)
Chunky's (8.5)
Longhorn Cafe (8.5)
Tycoon Flats (8.5)
Armadillo's (8.0)
Big'z Burger Joint(8.0)
Bobby J's(8.0)
Bracken Store Cafe (8.0)
Joe's Hamburgers (8.0)
Sam's Burger Joint (8.0)
Brenda's Burgers (7.5)
Candy's Old Fashion Burgers (7.5)
Porky's (7.0)
Timbo's (7.0)
Biff Buzby's Burgers (6.5)
Broadway 50/50 (6.5)
Cheesy Jane's (6.5)
Lord's Kitchen (6.5)
Luther's (6.5)
Texas Hamburger Co. (6.5)
Abe's Boys Burgers (6.0)
Babe's (6.0)
Bunsen Burger (6.0)
Che's Chicken and Burgers (6.0)
Chester's (6.0)
Floyd's Diary Bar (6.0)
Gourmet Burger Grill (6.0)
Big Bob's (5.0)
Five Guys (5.0)
Lucky Burger (5.0)
Orderup (5.0)
Suzy Q's Old Fashioned Hamburgers (5.0)
TJ's Hamburgers (5.0)
K Burger (4.5)
Bubba's Burgers & Shakes (4.0)
Fatty's (4.0)
Fuddrucker's (4.0)
The Malt House (4.0)
Burger Boy (3.0)
Murf's Better Burger (2.5)
Belle's (2.0)
Griff's Hamburger's (2.0)
Uncle Barney's (2.0)

* - Ties are listed in alphabetical order.

Burger Rankings

2009-09-11T16:24:00.030-05:00

Burger Rankings (as of 2/11/10)*:

Chris Madrid's (9.5)
Bobby J's (9.0)
Lord's Kitchen (9.0)
Gourmet Burger Grill (8.5)
Longhorn Cafe (8.5)
Bracken Store Cafe (8.0)
Chester's (8.0)
Fatty's (8.0)
TJ's Hamburgers (8.0)
Armadillo's (7.5)
Biff Buzby's Burgers (7.5)
Big'z Burger Joint (7.5)
Tycoon Flats (7.5)
Big Bob's (7.0)
Burger Boy (7.0)
Cappy's (7.0)
Cheesy Jane's (7.0)
Chunky's (7.0)
Joe's Hamburgers (7.0)
Porky's (7.0)
The Cove (7.0)
Timbo's (7.0)
Candy's Old Fashion Burgers (6.5)
K Burger (6.5)
Orderup (6.5)
Texas Hamburger Co. (6.5)
Broadway 50/50 (6.0)
Five Guys (6.0)
Fuddrucker's (6.0)
Lucky Burger (6.0)
MoMak's (6.0)
Abe's Boys Burgers (5.5)
Brenda's Burgers (5.5)
Babe's (5.0)
Che's Chicken and Burgers (5.0)
Floyd's Diary Bar (5.0)
Luther's (5.0)
Suzy Q's Old Fashioned Hamburgers (5.0)
The Malt House (5.0)
Uncle Barney's (5.0)
Bubba's Burgers & Shakes (4.5)
Sam's Burger Joint (3.5)
Belle's Burgers (3.0)
Bunsen Burger (3.0)
Murf's Better Burger (3.0)
Griff's Hamburger's (2.5)

* - Ties are listed in alphabetical order.

Review #34 - Brenda’s Burgers

2009-09-04T17:27:00.023-05:00

What do Sam’s Burger Joint, Burger Boy, Chris Madrid’s, Uncle Barneys, Five Guys, Big Bobs, Luther’s, the Lord’s Kitchen, and hundreds of other burger joints around this country all have in common…?

That’s right; they’re all named after us furry legged humans—men. I don’t know if it’s some sort of instinctive hunter gatherer thing or what, but it seems like when it comes to carnivorous eateries, well, the Y chromosome half of the population has the market cornered.

Feeling a bit contrarian this week, our blog crew opted for a burger joint with a slight feminine side, which led us to Brenda’s Burgers located at 3837 SW Military Dr., 78211.

Brenda’s Burgers is cleverly named after the proprietor of the establishment, Brenda (apparently, the lack of creative names for burger joints isn’t limited to just male owners). I have to say that our burger blog crew felt such civic pride advancing the cause of female equality with our visit. As Rosie so infamously stated with a flexing of her biceps, yes, woman can do it—which, I guess means that women are in fact every bit as capable of making ordinary, average, mediocre burgers as some of their male counterparts. Now that’s equality. But, alas, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Upon arriving, we were welcomed by none other than Brenda herself, who helps out at the cash register.

The female independence and liberation theme permeated throughout the establishment. Heroes, legends, and other female champions of the women’s rights movement adorned the walls of Brenda’s Burgers...

After admiring the shrine dedicated to these fine feminist movement icons, we all sat down and waited for our meal to be served.

The Burger - 5.5

I have to admit that the options on the menu looked very enticing as some of the burgers came with grilled jalapenos and onions, two definite plusses for most of our group. Unfortunately, our excitement quickly subsided once we received our burgers, which were somewhat of a let down.

I know, from the looks of it, the burger appears pretty tasty. The problem, though, which several bloggers commented on, was the ordinary, frozen-patty-like meat. It was on the level of a fast food burger patty, just a little more dressed up. However, I will say that one feature that really got our reviewers’ blood flowing was Brenda’s buns…even the staunchest feminist would agree that Brenda’s buns are fantastic.

Where’s the Beef - The beef was eerily similar to a McDonald’s hamburger patty- and I’m not talking about McDonald’s new Angus burgers. The highlight of the burger for me was the bun. It was soaked in butter and toasted nicely. I can see why the place is a Lackland/Kelly AFB favorite, but I’m not going to make a special trip to that part of town just for that burger.

Hamburglar – I ordered the double cheeseburger, and I’m glad I did. The pre-made and likely frozen patties aren’t very big, so two of them is a must. The burger is comparable to a fast-food burger, except they appropriately butter the buns and throw them on the griddle which makes for a decent tasting burger.

Justice Warren E. Burger – Very disappointing, but not terrible. The place looked so great, and Brenda behind the counter looked so true, that I was expecting greatness. Alas, this was a Quarter Pounder with Cheese (although I’m not even sure I got a quarter pound). Its saving grace was the bun, which was well buttered and had a nice char on the outside. The real loser was the meat. It was paper thin, with that gritty taste of frozen meat or some meat-like substance.

Colonel Mustard – Below Average. For all you sports buffs, this burger is the equivalent of Mario Mendoza. Know who he is? I doubt it, but you may have heard the phrase Mendoza Line, named after you know who, who epitomized what below average is in baseball lexicon.

Sides - 5

Brenda fared no better when it came to sides. The onion rings were decent even though they were probably pre-made and frozen, but the fries seemed like they came straight out of a bag and into the fryer. The milkshakes, however, were excellent and a huge hit. The rumors are true, Brenda’s milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.

Here are some of the comments from the other reviewers:

Colonel Mustard – Less than average. Perhaps on the level of Michael Jordan ... when he sucked at playing baseball.

Justice Warren E. Burger – Even more disappointing than the burger. The onion rings were ok, but clearly frozen. The fries were some of the worst I’ve ever tasted. Thin, bland, totally uninspiring. The shake was very good, although I don’t normally get shakes, so I’m not going to let it bring the sides rating up too much.

Hamburglar – Rings were good, but the fries were pretty bad.

Where’s the Beef – The onion rings were quite tasty, but definitely were not homemade. The fries also had the look of McDonald’s fries, but unfortunately had none of the flavor. My vanilla shake was the best part of the trip, and I’m pretty sure they used Blue Bell ice cream.

Ambience - 7.5

Brenda’s Burgers is basically run out of a house-like structure. There is a great patio out front for when the weather is nice, and plenty of room inside.

The interior was eclectically decorated with all sorts of off-beat burger flare. We all loved the burger-themed window treatments. Sorry we don’t have a better picture of them, but you can notice the windows in the background here…

I would, however, like to point out Where’s the Beef’s observation. While most of us noticed, and liked, the burgers on the window treatments, none of us, except Where’s the Beef, knew the precise name for these decorations (apparently, it’s called a “valence” for all you males who actually have a pair). I guess Brenda’s Burgers really brought out the feminine side in Where’s the Beef. Let’s just hope his name stays literal rather than becoming some sort of euphemism.

Justice Warren E. Burger – Despite the so-so food, this place looked great. It was a true burger dive, yet with its own character. As you drove up, the pink old, one story house stood out like a sore thumb, but in a good way. The lady at the front - I’m hoping this was Brenda - came straight out of a 1950’s back country diner, with hair you could sharpen a butcher’s knife on. Well chosen action figures and toy dolls (still in their boxes, of course) adorned the walls. And it was capped off with the ultimate burger dive accessory – burger patterned window treatments. Pity the food didn’t live up to this burger dive heaven.

Colonel Mustard – Extra props for all the military service men and women who dined at this establishment. The decor and cheesy music added something to the experience, albeit offset by the noticeably fast food-ish nature. This place felt sort of like a personalized Whataburger.

Hamburglar – Classic dive burger joint appeal.

Where’s the Beef – Set in what looks to be an old house, it definitely had that down home charm. Interesting sound track playing on the stereo ranging from the Beatles to Lionel Ritchie helped with the atmosphere. I would love to know where they got the burger patterned valences over the windows [emphasis added]

In the end, Brenda’s is a decent place if you’re in the area, so stop by. Despite the tepid comments from my fellow reviews, we still managed to devour our meal.

Girlish figures be damned!

Review #33 - Broadway 50 50

2009-08-27T14:46:00.015-05:00

Meatloaf. We all love it when mom serves it up after a long day. We even love it when it’s got long flowing hair and sings “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” Where the Burger Bloggers don’t like meatloaf, apparently, is in their hamburgers. Let me explain.

Broadway 50 50 was the burger joint of the day, and the view from the street was promising. 50’s (as the locals call it) is housed in an old but renovated building in the middle of Alamo Heights. One of the bloggers hails from these parts, so he flashed the secret handshake and got all his less fortunate friends in for free.

Burger: 6. Here’s where the meatloaf comes in. The burger was unlike anything the bloggers had seen or tasted before (in both good and bad ways). It comes in a long hoagie bun, which I thought was soft and tasty, but others declared it unfit even for H-E-B.

Meanwhile, the hamburger meat had a thickness, moisture, and seasoning that inspired several bloggers to declare it rather meatloaf-ey. Hamburgler recalled that his burger “tasted like meatloaf, and the unusual seasoning clashed with all notions of burgerness.”

Burgermeister had a more positive take, saying “I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it tasted like mom’s meatloaf. If you’re into that kind of thing, on a bun, with funky toppings, then 50 50 is a definite recommendation.” (Kind of a back-handed compliment, but ok.)

Where’s the Beef? thought the burger tasted wet, even though it was cooked well done, while Prefers His Tots Tatered felt that it more closely resembled Salisbury steak. You get the picture. It wasn’t a terrible burger, just kind of weird.

Sides: 7.5. On the positive side, the bloggers loved the sides at 50 50. The shiner bock battered onion rings got very high marks. They were very thick, with great seasoning. Some said they were almost as good as the rings at Big Bob’s (our pick for the best rings in the city).

The fries got mixed reviews. They were thin, classic shoestring fries, and some really liked that. Others found the small fries unsatisfying. 50’s also completes the sides trifecta by serving some really good tator tots.

Ambiance: 6.5. 50’s is really more of a bar than a restaurant, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The décor combines Pulp Fiction and random mob movie memorabilia with a certain metallic sleekness – an odd but cool atmosphere. The jukebox spun songs from the 60’s and 70’s, leading one of our bloggers to pull off a mean white man’s overbite.

Some thought the place was a little dark, and due to a large military gathering taking up most of the tables, there were 8 bloggers stuck in one corner – a little too close for comfort for some.

Overall, Broadway 50 50 definitely gets points for daring to be different. It certainly was not your run of the mill burger joint. The bloggers loved the rings, digged the atmosphere, and mostly didn’t mind the hoagie style buns. But meatloaf? On a burger? These bloggers will do anything for their love of a great burger, but we won’t do that.

Review #32 - Porky's Burgers & More

2009-08-17T21:58:00.014-05:00

This week we visited a relatively new burger joint in town called Porky’s, located at 2426 Culebra Rd. Are you curious about the name Porky’s? Well according to Porky’s website, the name is derived from the owner’s nickname and his fond memories of growing up in a big family and watching the classic movie “Porky’s.” Honestly, I was unaware that the movie Porky’s was a classic. My recollection is that Porky’s is a raunchy comedy laden with inappropriate jokes. Interestingly, some reviews have referred to it as a comedy classic. Let’s take a look at how this “classic” film helped inspire a restaurant.

As you can see above, “I got porked at Porky’s” is the slogan at Porky’s Burgers and More. A tad inappropriate, a little raunchy, and arguably comedic. So far, I can see where the film Porky’s has influenced this restaurant. But wait, they take it one step further…. they capture the likeness of the President and his love of the hamburger.

Burgermeister Meisterburger, always a fan of the raunchy and inappropriate, was beside himself with the décor and we all anxiously wondered how the burgers might be affected. Fry Daddy told the group, “when in Rome,” and we each stepped up to the counter and decided to get porked.

The Burger – 7 out of 10

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Porker.

Most of our group ordered the Porker, but some of our more dainty members ordered the Piglet below.

We all agreed that the burger was well seasoned and tasty, but it was missing that certain something to make it into our elite group of top burgers. Perhaps, like the movie Porky’s, it was a little too on the raunchy side. Here’s what some of our reviewers had to say:

Fry Daddy (Our Overzealous Cheddar Enthusiast) - This was a difficult call. The beef seemed freshly ground and was thick and tasty. However, the shredded cheddar cheese had a dry, crumbly texture. I recommend the chefs at Porky’s try Tillamook cheddar, which in my experience is not prone to some of the texture problems found in some generic cheese brands.

The Chief Justice (Our version of the character Pee-Wee from the movie Porky’s) - The patty was very well seasoned, enough to make this pig happy. The burger was kind of on the small side, but as you know the Chief Justice is just a little guy. The bun was simple, but very soft and with a nice char on the outside from being placed on the griddle. A solid, tasty burger.

Sides – 5 out of 10

Overall, the sides were average. The regular fries were pretty disappointing, but the seasoned fries were actually quite good, even though we figured they weren’t made with fresh cut potatoes. Make sure to order seasoned fries when you get porked. Here’s what our resident sleuth and Matlock lover, Burgermeister Meisterburger, had to say about the sides: “When I asked the cashier what kind of seasoning was on the ‘Seasoned Fries,’ he said ‘I don’t know. Whatever they come out of the bag with.’ At least they did not try to pass them off as homemade. Nonetheless, they were decently tasty.”

Ambiance – 7 out of 10

This place has a lot of potential. Flat-screen TV’s adorn the walls and the layout is open with plenty of space for seating. There’s only one problem with the ambiance at Porky’s – see if you can spot it below.

Having trouble? Let’s head out to Porky’s Pig Pen Patio and see if you can find it there.

And the missing element is …. customers. We were literally the only customers in the restaurant during the noon hour. This, my friends, was a San Antonio Burger Blog first. Out of all the burger joints we have been to, there have always been other customers. Burger Boy put it best: “It definitely has potential, but the cavernous space entirely devoid of customers was more than a little creepy.” We’re hoping the lack of customers was simply a rare occurrence on the particular day we happened to stop in for a burger. With the addition of some customers, Porky’s would have all the elements of a classic burger joint:

A Good Burger at a Decent Price.

License Plate Décor.

A Pacman/Galaga Machine.

Plus beer on tap and lots of flat-screens, what more could you want? Maybe a little company. Next time you’re looking for a new burger joint to try, head over to Porky’s and get porked.

Price – Good

My Porker Combo set me back about 7 bucks, which isn’t too bad for a burger, fries and a drink.

Service – Good

Come on, we were literally the only people in the joint, how could service be bad?

Review #31 - Griff's Burger Bar

2009-08-10T22:12:00.037-05:00

On the heals of a recent uptick in the popularity of our blog, I have to admit that some of us, myself included, were feeling a little cocky with our ever-escalating hit count and the (mostly, but definitely not all) favorable comments that you, our audience, were posting to the blog. That's why I, as Supreme Burgermeister of the Meisterburger Realm, and a firm believer that a regular self-flagellation does a body and soul good, ordered the troops to the south side location of a remaining outpost of a once-proud, now-defunct, national burger chain named "Griff's."

It is important that we stay true to our original mission. Its not just about eating $20 Oros platinum burgers, visiting the "Hot Mom" capital of San Antonio (GBG), giving San Antonio a preview of a newly-opened chain from the east coast (Five Guys) or paying homage to San Antonio classics (Chris Madrid’s, Lord’s Kitchen). It's about spending time in the weeds, so that you don't have to. It's about finding that diamond in the rough. It's about giving legitimate burger joints a voice so that they can be heard loud and clear above the noise and bustle of the Alamo City!

Well folks, if that little guy on the Griff’s cup had a voice, it would be a withered, old, smoker’s-cough-laden, croak of a voice. There is no special gem among the weeds on Pleasanton Street just south of Military drive.

In writing this review, I decided it was appropriate to explain what would make a burger a "0". Here are the standards:

1) A stale bun - the harder the better, or worser, as the case may be.
2) Old vegetables - withered lettuce, slimy tomatoes
3) Funny fish smell - this generally speaks to rancid meat, but can be caused by a wide variety of other things, so it is still necessary to eat the burger
4) Warm condiments - this is evidence of a lack of suitable refrigeration
5) Heavy grease content – not the grease that results from the fat drippings associated with cooking fresh meat on a grill or a griddle, but the “I haven’t cleaned the griddle for weeks” kind of grease

The Burger - 2.5 out of 10

Griff’s had some but not all of the above qualities so they miss achieving the perfect “0” mark. We all experienced stale buns and withered lettuce, but the tomatoes looked relatively fresh. There was a distinct funny fish smell – but we traced that not to the meat but to the onion rings. The hamburger meat, while uninspiring, did not actually taste bad. Hamburglar and Fry Daddy did make a point about how cold the ketchup was – gee, I guess its been refrigerated – that’s a good sign.

Even the bun on the poster looks stale.

Fry Daddy – The Griff’s burger is, in my opinion, the worst we’ve encountered in our city-wide search. Not only was the bun stale, the beef patties (both of them, since I was foolish enough to order a double) tasted stale as well, if that’s possible, and were quite tough. The mustard seemed fresh, though.

Burger Boy - Salty meat in a stale bun might work in the movies, but this is one burger that I definitely can quit.

Peppermeat Patty - They really get mileage out of their ingredients. Nothing goes to waste. The ketchup sure was cold.

Ambiance - 2 out of 10

Imagine, if you will, that you are a cross-country traveller in the 1950's and '60's. You pull off Route 66 into the familiar A-frame shape of a new kind of restaurant - the chain restaurant. It might be a Stuckey's, it might be a Dairy Queen, it might be a Nickerson Farms, it might be Griff's! There is an energy about the place as the friendly waiter, waitress or cashier takes your order and within a few short minutes you have your food and are sitting in the air-conditioned comfort on a new-fangled, laminated chair and table built right into the floor!

Now, take the A-frame . . .

Dump it between an "International Nite Club" . . .

and a Firestone . . .

and choose among these comfortable seating options . . .

and don't update or clean anything for a couple of decades. I can't decide which blogger summed up the ambience the best, so I'll let you choose:

Fry Daddy - The restaurant was permeated by the smell of some chemical antiseptic that did not completely cover up another unpleasant smell, which I was not able to identify (nor did I want to). Griff’s looks like a burger place nearing the end of its death throes. The whole place had a kind of depressing air befitting one of the last individually-operated members of a now-defunct burger chain.

Burger Boy - Since this place was part of a once-nationwide franchise, it had a lot of advertisements that were obviously sent from corporate HQ. Unfortunately, the last time HQ sent anything was back in the 60s, before Griffs was cutoff from the rest of universe. So everything in the restaurant is faded. I’d call it faded glory, but that would imply it had a glory day.

Hamburglar - The only thing going for it was the cold A/C in the heat of the San Antonio summer. (Editor's Note: He also gave Griff's the highest ambiance ranking).

On second thought, I won't let you choose. Hamburglar wins. His comment also explains the ketchup and mustard.

Sides - 3 out of 10

Griff's has two sides on the menu - fries out of a freezer bag and onion rings out of a freezer bag. The onion rings do not mix well with the leftover grease that they were cooked in - it gave them and the whole restaurant a fishy smell.

They also had at least two off-the-menu options for sides.

Whatever the hell this is . . .

and whatever makes you do this . . .

Ketchup is not a side and will NOT be getting its own category in future reviews.

Time for a commercial . . .

I understand that Knaack makes some fantastic worksite job storage chests. See http://www.knaack.com/jobsite_storage_equipment/view_products.php?p_id=2. In case yours mysteriously disappeared from your jobsite or from the back of your pickup, I think I found it.

Service - 3 out of 10

One of the most impressive things about Griff’s is the speed at which they delivered my burger. I was the first one to order during the lunchtime frenzy (which included the six of us and the guy having the "Knaack" attack). I paid and within 45 seconds, my platter was delivered to the front counter for pick-up. Interestingly, none of my other dining partners had such prompt service. I guess their burgers were made to order, not left over from the morning batch of pre-cooked burgers.

There also was an air of "just because you are paying me $5.49 for this burger combo, don't think you can mess with me" as demonstrated by this sign.

Well, "customers" and "tasty food" are what keeps a restaurant in business. So, if you want to experience Griff's before it becomes yet another fossil from the Great American past, get there quick.

Review #30 - Gourmet Burger Grill

2009-07-26T17:00:00.041-05:00

The popularity of the Burger Blog is at an all time high. We've surpassed 12,000 web hits and have been featured in a KENS 5 blog and on the radio (99.5 Lisle and Hahn show). We're not letting the success go to our heads (yet), and we thank everyone who has been following the blog. With that, we bring you our 30th review - Gourmet Burger Grill (we'll call it GBG for short).

GBG is located in the relatively new Legacy retail extravaganza situated on the Northeast corner of the 281-1604 interchange. They have an informative website (http://www.gourmetburgergrill.com/), which only added to our anticipation. GBG brings a novel and innovative approach to burger making - presenting options such as the Bison Burger, Ahi Tuna Burger and Lamb Burger. Our bloggers, however, were only interested in the burgers made with good 'ol, mad cow-free beef.

We were greeted at the counter by a helpful and informative individual, whom we assumed is the owner of the place. For those Northwest-siders out there, I was told that GBG is opening a second location in the City View Village retail center near I-10 and Huebner. This location will be in the old Fatburger space and is slated to open September 15th. It seems that GBG is doing well in the "high end" burger niche, and is pursuing an aggressive expansion strategy. I welcome the second location, as it is a lot closer to my house than the Legacy location, and thus appeals to my inherent laziness.

GBG's menu is prominently displayed behind the counter. One quickly notices that this isn't your grandfather's burger joint. GBG offers many non-traditional toppings for their burgers, such as horseradish cream, basil pesto aioli and lemon remoulade. A creative list of beef and non-beef burgers are also offered.

One burger in particular caught my eye - the Caprese burger. This is the burger that I have been waiting for since I was a youngster and better known as "Where's the Veal?" I had high hopes going in, as I usually have to check my Italian heritage at the door of most burger places.

The Burger - 8.5

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Caprese Burger. I'll admit my bias to all things Italian (except for Mussolini), but this might just be the greatest innovation to a burger since someone accidentally dropped a slice of cheese on a burger patty and invented the cheeseburger. The Caprese burger is somewhat self explanatory, as long as you know what a Caprese salad is. The ingredients of the salad are basic (mozzarella, tomato, basil, oil and balsamic vinegar) but come together in harmoneous fashion. GBG has taken this Italian gift to the world and placed it atop their high quality burger patty (1/2 pound, fire grilled, certified angus beef). Flanking this ingenious pairing is GBG's baked-daily sourdough bun.

In case you can't already tell, I was blown away by this burger. The burger was seasoned and grilled to perfection, the bun was incredibly fresh and tasty and the caprese topper added a whole other dimension of deliciousness. One might call it a burger renaissance, the David of hamburgers.

Our bloggers sampled an array of GBG's burgers, and here's what they had to say:

Burgermeister Meisterburger: "I shared half of my Bacon Cheeseburger with Prefers His Tots Tatered. Taken alone, the burger was decent but not fantastic. What set GBG apart was its variety of options for how the burger was done."

Likes His Tots Tatered: "Went ahead and split the Bacon Burger and the Caprese Burger with Burgermeister Meisterburger (that commie SOB is always wanting to share). Anyways, I am glad I did because the Caprese Burger was excellent. As you can imagine, the burger consisted of the patty, then a thick slice of mozzarella and tomato, with basil and vinaigrette on top. The Bacon Burger was good too, but not on the same level as the Caprese Burger."

Fry Daddy: "I ordered the tropical burger, which came with mango avocado salsa and pepper jack cheese, in addition to the standard toppings of lettuce, tomato and onion. I added some grilled pineapple for $1.50 extra, which turned out to be a good move. The patty was well seasoned and cooked medium well as I ordered it, although I think in retrospect medium would have been a better approach. I think the sourdough bun, not so popular with others in the group, was a nice complement to the meat and didn't overpower its flavor."

Some of our bloggers however, had lukewarm feelings:

#1 with Cheese: "The bun was fantastic, but I would have preferred American Cheese as an option. Also if you purport to cook a burger to a desired 'doneness' then you should achieve said doneness. I ordered Medium and received Medium Well to Well Done."

Justice Warren E. Burger: "I ordered the Kobe Beef burger, and the burger patty was delicious. But the bun came close to ruining the burger for me. The sourdough roll was too big and not enough flavor. They need to flatten it, and add 3 pounds of butter before I'd order another one."

Despite some gripes, the overall score for GBG's burger pushed it into our top 5 for now (well-deserved, in my opinion).

Sides - 8

GBG's side offerings were equally creative, the keystone of which is their Battered Mac & Cheese Wedges:

You have to taste these delectible bites of fried mac & cheese to fully understand their goodness. Other quality choices include sweet potato fries and beer battered onion rings:

And crinkle cut french fries:

All of the sides were top notch. Here's what our pundits had to say:

Hamburgler: "The rings, regular fries and sweet potato fries were great, but the Battered Mac and Cheese Wedges stole the show. I was initially disappointed that GBG didn't serve tots, but after having the Mac and Cheese Wedges I realized they were way better than tots, they were like tater-tots on crack - phenomenal."

Burger Boy: "The fries were good, but the fried macaroni was insanely good."

Prefers His Tots Tatered: "If only I had known there was such a thing as fried mac and cheese...those little fried morsels of cheesy goodness were unbelievable. In fact, I am thinking of changing my legal name to Prefers His Mac and Cheese Fried. The other sides were pretty good too (including the sweet potato fries), but I didn't get the impression that the fries or onion rings were handmade."

Ambiance - 6

The fact that GBG was clean and modern was a negative selling point for some of our contributors. These burger joint traditionalists felt that the strip mall location and germ free environment is only contributing to the soul crushing nature of modern suburban living. Others felt that GBG was befitting its upscale burger joint concept. One thing that we could all agree on, however, were the uncomfortableness of the "European" chairs:

The picture doesn't really show just how small this chair was. I'll admit that I'm never the smallest guy in the room, but anyone over the age of 5 would have been uncomfortable in this chair. The back was also slanted forward, forcing you to lean over the table and your food. While we would have been hovering over these delicious burgers anyway, it would be nice to to have the option to lean back and let some of that 1/2 pound of angus settle in your belly.

One last word on ambiance. A few of our contributors wanted me to point out the high percentage of hot moms trolling the GBG scene. One of our contributors, who will remain nameless so he doesn't have to sleep in the dog house, commented "Must have been free burger day for hot moms. The place was crawling with Stone Oak beauties." If you're in the market for married 40 year olds with kids in tow, then GBG is the place for you.

Price: GBG provides a gourmet burger but definitely had a gourmet price. As Burgermeister Meisterburger so eloquently put it, "I think I had the cheapest bill of the group at $13.46. That price did not even include refills on my tap water! I don't know how my communist bloggers can handle it. At least I can oppress the poor of my home country to pay for this extravagance."

Others, including me, believe that you get what you pay for. Regardless, don't go to GBG if you expect a cheap meal.

Overall, GBG impressed us with their high quality ingredients and innovative menu offerings. This place is definitely worth checking out, even though it may not fit the typical "burger joint" mold. We're happy to welcome a new member to our elite top 5.

Review #29 - Cheesy Jane's

2009-07-19T21:28:00.034-05:00

In my experience, one of the hardest burger joints to find is the one that has both a good burger and good sides. All too often I have a great burger, but the sides don't seem to get the attention from the kitchen that they deserve. Chris Madrid's and Chester's both have good burgers, but their fries are mushy and not to my liking. Occasionally, you run into a place where the opposite is true- the sides are good but the burger isn't (Bunsen Burgers had interesting tempura fries and a good milkshake, but an uninspiring burger).

Cheesy Jane’s, at 4200 Broadway St, San Antonio 78209, has a good burger and almost universally praised sides. From the delicious fries, to the spicy jalapeno splinters, Cheesy Jane’s always delivers on all fronts. As far as I’m concerned, they’ve got the trifecta for a burger place—Good burger, good fries, and a good milkshake.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I’ve been a regular at Cheesy Jane’s for years. I eat there on a weekly basis, and I’m always happy I did. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Burger - 7 out of 10

The burgers are delicious. The burger has juicy fresh meat without being too over or undercooked. I think they’re very well seasoned, though there seems to some disagreement among your reviewers on this point. Burgers are available in a number of sizes, from 1/3 to 1 pound.

Since the burger is the keystone of this blog, here’s what some of the other reviewers said about Cheesy Jane’s.

Where’s the Beef – I got the 1/2 pound and it was a good decision. A little thicker than most San Antonio burgers. It had a nice flavor and the bun was good and toasty.

Fry Daddy – A pretty good burger that unfortunately has fallen prey to the underseasoning epidemic afflicting many of San Antonio's burger joints. My burger was also a little heavy on the mayonnaise, although I know Burger Boy would argue that it is impossible to have too much mayonnaise on anything.

Justice Warren E. Burger – They might have put crack in my burger, because I absolutely loved it, but no one else I talked to really did. The burger was hot, fresh and well seasoned. It was thicker than I normally like, but it gave the burger a certain hardiness. The cheddar cheese was tasty, and the bun was well buttered, with a perfect crispness from the grill. It was a smaller burger than normal, but the Chief Justice doesn’t mind a small burger (or pink dress shirts).

The sides - 7 out of 10

I think Cheesy Jane’s received the highest average rating for sides of any place we’ve been to yet. Since I’m too lazy to go back and actually check, if anybody finds a place where the sides received a higher rank, you can tell me but I’ll ignore you.

It doesn’t surprise me that the sides at CJ’s were highly ranked. They fries are crispy on the outside and just the right consistency in the middle. They are salty. They are seasoned with other seasonings besides salt which I can’t name because this is a burger blog and I don’t know turmeric from a tunic. Or something. My fellow reviewers were also very impressed with onion rings. Since I don’t eat onion rings, you’ll have to read their comments below to get a feel for how delicious they were.

The milkshake, as always, didn’t disappoint. It is thick without being too thick to drink. They bring you the extra in the metal mixing cup. I hate it when milkshakes come out with chunks of ice in them; CJ’s has never delivered anything but the smoothest milkshake. As a side note, Cheesy Jane’s is also very civic minded. If you’ve ever been to the Witte Game Dinner (which features a buffet line longer than the eye can see covered with more varieties of game than you can imagine (venison, elk, buffalo and pig)) then you know Cheesy Jane’s supports the Witte by making their famous milkshakes with alcohol. Unfortunately, you can’t get the alcoholic milkshake at the restaurants (at least I’ve never tried). While I didn’t think the milkshakes could be improved upon, alcohol manages to do the trick. If you want the ones with alcohol, you’ll just have to go to the Witte Game Dinner.

Some praise for the sides:

Where’s the Beef – They had the holy trinity of tots, rings and fries, and you could even get a mixed basket of all three. Definitely an innovative idea. The tots were standard (I don’t think anyone makes a “hand breaded” tot), the onion rings were very good, the fries were pretty pedestrian.

Burgermeister Meisterburger - The combo fries, tots, rings was an awesome buy. Rings had a tasty seasoning on them that made them just a cut above your normal onion rings. Shakes are not to be missed!

Fry Daddy – I feel my high rating is justified by the fact that Cheesy Jane's does a good (although not an extraordinary) job at preparing all 3 sides in the burger sides food pyramid.

Justice Warren E. Burger – The fries were not great. No seasoning and not much flavor. The tots were good, not great. (Kind of tasted like all other tots). But the onion rings were something special. Great seasoning (maybe some of the crack that they put in my burger spilled into the onion rings). They looked like they were going to be the frozen kind, but I thought they were delicious. I give the place extra points for completed the always sought after sides trifecta.

Prefers his Tots Tatered – The milkshake really scored some points here. I love it when places give you the leftovers in the milkshake container. The other sides were average. While tots, fries, and onion rings were all on the menu, none of them really stood out.

Price - 5 out of 10

The price is average for most of our burger places.

Ambiance - 6.5 out of 10

The ambiance at Cheesy Jane's is 50s diner, in sharp contrast to the Malt House, which sounds from its name as if it were a 50s diner but is actually a Mexican restaurant.

Located in the shadow of the soon to be completed Broadway condominiums, Cheesy Jane’s Broadway location seems a bit out of place in its converted gas station. I’m not sure if this makes the location a more or less authentic 50s diner.

One touch I really appreciate, in common with many burger establishments, is that CJ's has a "wall of fame/shame." Back before Polaroid stopped making film, they used to take your picture if you ate the pounder (look in the right side of this picture). You could write your name on the photo and tack it up to the wall. My picture graces the walls of at least two of the Cheesy Jane’s locations (Alamo Heights and Helotes). I can’t get my picture on the wall in Boerne because by the time I got there, they’d run out of film for the camera. Oh well. I’m still happy to head into Cheesy Jane’s and consume a pound of hamburger, a side of fries and a cooling milkshake. What could be better?

These pictures of food on the walls make me hungry. Very hungry.

Unlike some of the burger joints we've visited, Cheesy Jane's is definitely a family establishment. Most people in Cheesy Jane’s have kids with them, so the place is definitely noisy. That being said, I often see older couples (without kids) sitting in there having a glass of wine with their tots. I’m not sure it would be the place I’d go for a date (OK, I admit it, I’ve been there with my girlfriend), but it must be a testament to the deliciousness of the food that they come there anyway.

I think some children might be visible in these pictures...

Spiderman rides this train, each car of which is adorned with advertisements for local businesses. My kids love the spider man. Every time he comes around they comment on him. Which is often. Can you find spiderman?

This artwork sculpture further enhances the "50s diner" atmosphere. I know from personal experience that those wierd looking black circles below the sculpture actually swing back and forth like pendulums if touched. As the circles rock, so do the cars. Rockin'. So if you've got anyone under 4 feet tall with who might be inclined to touch the art, don't sit in the booths right below the art unless you want to spend the entire time making them sit down and leave the art alone.

They also have security in the parking lot. This 17 year old girl could definitely intimidate anyone contemplating grand theft auto. Nevertheless, she was very friendly and kindly consented to posing for this picture. I blurred her face because I think it makes her visage more ominous.

Review #28 - The Malt House

2009-07-13T22:10:00.058-05:00

Quiero una hamburguesa deliciosa, una hamburguesa grande. These were my thoughts as I shuttled myself and a carload of burger bloggers to the Malt House, un restaurante famoso de San Antonio located at 115 S. Zarzamora just a few minutes west of downtown. This was to be the first encounter with the Malt House for each of us, and little did we know that la Casa de la Malta would bring crashing down every pre-conceived notion we had about San Antonio burger joints. And while my thoughts on this car ride were not actually en español, unbeknownst to all of us we had embarked on the San Antonio Burger Blog's equivalent of a study abroad.

The Malt House had been added to our growing list of San Antonio burger joints after I had read several online reviews touting its delicious hamburgers and malts. Upon reading these, my mind conjured up images of a 1950's diner, where preppy teenagers engage in a heated high school fight song sing-off while ponytailed waitresses rollerskate between tables with burgers and frosty malts on trays held high above their heads. Unfortunately, my high-pitched rendition of Be True to Your School was cut short by my boss, who showed up in my doorway to demand that I get rid of what he could only assume was a cat giving birth in my office.

Our hopes were still high as we arrived at the Malt House, where we immediately saw a sign advertising a quarter-pound hamburger, fries and medium drink for $2.60. We took this to be a good omen. Ever since Floyd's, we've been on the lookout for other burger bargains. As we approached the doors, I thought I heard the sounds of The Everly Brothers coming from the jukebox inside . . .

My ears, like my overactive imagination, had misled me, though. It turns out that not rock 'n' roll but conjunto (which to my untrained ears sounded like a mix between tejano and Bavarian polka) is the Malt House's musical genre of choice and was in fact the only music we would hear for the next hour.

The first thing that greeted me as I entered the Malt House was not a peppy cheerleader straight from the set of Grease but rather a giant plate of greasy enchiladas. Immediately alarm bells went off in my head. While I love enchiladas as much as the next guy, our burger reviews with very few exceptions focus on dedicated burger joints (as opposed to restaurants that sell burgers among a multitude of other offerings). Were we to undertake the task of visiting every bar or Mexican restaurant with a burger on the menu, our burger quest would never end and, more importantly, the ratio of really crappy burgers we would have to eat would increase dramatically. However, because we feel it is likely that others may have the same misconceptions about the Malt House (poodle skirts and all) that we had prior to dining there, we offer this review as a public service.

The Malt House's menu is massive. Mexican food is the main event, followed by chicken, steaks, seafood, and so on, and on and on. Here's a test for you: Can you find the hamburgers in the menu below?

Keep looking . . .

The Burger - 5 out of 10

Undaunted (and more than a little relieved to see that there were in fact burgers on the menu), we each ordered a jumbo cheeseburger. Burger Boy and Prefers His Tots Tatered, noticing fried eggs featured elsewhere on the menu, excitedly asked the server if they could have fried eggs on their cheeseburgers, Burger Boy drooling a bit as he did so. The server assented, and there was much rejoicing.

The fried eggs turned out to be the burgers' one saving grace, at least according to Burger Boy and Prefers His Tots Tatered, who each bumped their ratings accordingly. I ordered my cheeseburger sin huevo, and to me it tasted much like a fast food cheeseburger, albeit a big fast food cheeseburger. However, I will confess that my heart did a little happy leap when I noticed that the Jumbo Cheeseburger came with two beef patties and didn't skimp on the other standard toppings.

Sides - 4 out of 10

The crinkle-cut fries were a true disappointment and really brought down the overall score for sides. Prefers His Tots Tatered astutely observed that similar fries can be purchased at your neighborhood HEB. The Malt House's sides rating would have been abysmally low were it not for the onion rings, which were actually quite scrumptious.

In past reviews, we have often treated frozen dairy desserts as sides. The effect of this is usually that an otherwise low rating - attributable to sides likely purchased from the frozen foods section at HEB - is significantly increased by the factoring in of milkshakes made from "real" Blue Bell ice cream - likely also purchased from the frozen foods section at HEB. Figuring that a place called the Malt House would have all of its ducks in a row when it came to malts, I ordered a large chocolate malt with my meal. The result, pictured below, was not really a malt, as far as I could tell, but rather a giant cup of soft serve vanilla ice cream smothered in Hershey's syrup. This was oddly enough served before our meal, "like it was an appetizer or something," as Prefers His Tots Tatered noted in disgust. All in all, a missed opportunity for the Malt House to pick up a couple of bonus points.

I should note that the complimentary chips and salsa were quite good.

Ambience - 4 out of 10

As we have established by now, the Malt House is not your parents' burger joint. Es el restaurante de su abuela.

The general consensus among the reviewers was that the Malt House had nice ambience - for a Mexican restaurant. Burger Boy noted that if he were reviewing the Malt House as a Mexican restaurant it would score a 5 for ambience, but "since I am reviewing the Malt House as if it were a burger joint, I give it a 1." The rest of the reviewers were not quite so harsh but shared similar sentiments.

Price - Muy bueno

Despite our disappointment at having been beguiled into a place called "The Malt House" by expectations (at least partially justified, but admittedly somewhat self-created) of dining in a classic 1950's burger joint, no one was disappointed with regard to the price paid for their meal. I can't say I actually saved much money, however, since my excitement at the subterraneous prices precipitated an ordering frenzy. Still, I spent less than $10, post-tax, for a large cheeseburger with fries, a basket of onion rings and a large malt. I suppose the dollar really is stronger at the Malt House than at your standard American burger joint, where you cannot, coincidentally, order your favorite Mexican specialities, such as:

Review #27 - Timbo's

2009-07-08T22:25:00.017-05:00

Don't worry San Antonio burger fans, we bloggers know how important this blog is to you and our community and we are taking all appropriate steps to protect it from all delusional, nuclear armed, communists that would seek to destroy it. Accordingly we present our review of Timbo's and challenge all enemies of democracy and the internet to stop us.

While Timbo's is best described as a slightly better than average burger joint in SA, this blogger is confident that it would be the height of fine cuisine in Pyongyang. Located on the access road to IH 35 North near Broadway Timbo's is a quick drive from downtown.

In stark contrast to many other burger joints, you order your meal at Timbo's at your table from their friendly waitstaff. While this adds some expense and time to your experience it gives you more time to study and appreciate Timbo's extensive collection of wall art.

The menu at Timbo's has all the standard burger choices plus "other good stuff"; unfortunately you will find no deals at Timbo's. And don't forget to tip your waitress.

The Burger: 7 out of 10. Aptly described by Hamburglar as "a solid burger, but a little overpriced and missing that certain something to take it to the upper echelon," the burgers at Timbo's were above average, but pricey. Bloggers found thin well seasoned patties with ample cheese on buns that on a few occasions turned out soggy. Go in expecting a slightly above average burger and you won't be disappointed, except perhaps by the price.

Sides: 7.5 out of 10. Timbo's sides were the highlight for most bloggers. In addition to the sides trifecta of fries, tots, and rings, Timbo's also offers unique choices including shypoke eggs which are not eggs at all but rather chips covered with jalapenos and two types of cheese. The fries and tots both received solid reviews but skip the rings, which came out soggy, and try the shypoke eggs.

Ambiance: 7 out of 10. You can tell Timbo's is fairly new because, while it certainly has an abundance of burger paraphernalia, it lacks a certain authenticity that other, more established burger joints have acquired over the years. Or as Justice Warren E. Burger noted, "It was just sort of a big room with crap on the walls." Timbo's gained points from BurgerGal for "being much cleaner that most of the dives we have been to." The biggest drawback for this blogger was having to order my burger at the table. The best burger joints require you to stand in line and order from the grease stained menu on the wall, not from a waiter at your table.

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And if you are looking for a solid burger joint close to downtown, check out Timbo's; just make sure to stop at an ATM on your way.

Review #26 - Texas Hamburger Co.

2009-06-24T07:25:00.017-05:00

Our latest stop in our quest to find the best burger in town landed us at the Texas Hamburger Co., located at 9010 Huebner Road on San Antonio’s northwest side.

Growing up on the northwest side myself, I was particularly excited to revisit an old favorite. You see, decades ago, Texas Hamburger Co. was the pillar of burger excellence…a captain of industry if you will. It seemed that every family on the block owned a classic Texas Hamburger Co. burger at some point. I fondly remember my father lamenting on this durable, reliable, “GMC” (our name for Genuine Mouthwatering Chow).

As we pulled into the parking lot, to my surprise, the place looked nothing like my nostalgic memories. I told Burgermeister Meisterburger, the Navigator for this Expedition, that he must have taken a wrong turn. Unfortunately, there was no mistake, and I must admit, fellow burger aficionados, Texas Hamburger Co. has seen better days.

For starters, the outside appearance looked more run down than I remembered. The place needs a major corporate restructuring, literally.

Comforted by our recent tetanus shots, we entered and ordered at the counter.

Some might argue that the ultimate demise of Texas Hamburger Co. was the huge growth in options. “Back to the burger basics” some commentators argued, and it has been suggested that Texas Hamburger Co. should cut some of its product lines. As you can see from the menu, burgers of all shapes and sizes, along with plenty of sandwich items and even full blown plates inflate Texas Hamburger Co.’s inventory. I tend to agree that cuts are necessary for Texas Hamburger Co. to re-group and re-brand itself as a premier burger maker in San Antonio.

While ordering, Texas Hamburger Co. allows its patrons to get an up close look at the efficient wonders of the assembly line. I mean this place is a well oiled machine.

I would hate to see these hard working folks become just another victim of the down economy. I guess they can always go out and get a job flipping burgers…wait, scratch that. Panhandling? Or better yet, blogging?

Burger – 6.5 out of 10

The burgers were just, ok. There’s nothing structurally wrong with the product, it’s just that the competition has moved ahead. Those foreign burger-makers have flooded the market with their innovation and luxury (Cappycino’s Kobe Steak Burger), their exotic models (Chris Madrids’s Tostado Burger) and efficiency (Five Guys massive staffing model). To compete in this competitive market, being adequate is not good enough anymore.

My fellow bloggers tended to agree with the analysis that the burgers, while alright, just don’t stack up to the stiff competition.

Hamburglar - This burger has potential, but the soggy bun ends up dragging the score down. I ate the burger fairly quickly after picking up my order, but the bottom of the bun quickly became a soggy disappointment.

# 1 with Cheese - I’ve had better at Whataburger, they did get your food out fast though.

Sides – 6.5 out of 10

The Big Three Side-Makers are well represented at Texas Hamburger Co.

We were all happy that the major sides of fries, onion rings, and tots were options on the menu. Again, all three weren’t bad, it’s just that they weren’t special. Keeping in line with its bloated inventory, Texas Hamburger Co. has many other options to choose from (stuffed jalepenos, chili, etc.), but we decided against all these extra bells and whistles.

Here’s what some of the others had to say:

Hamburglar - They have the trifecta of sides (fries, onion rings and tots), but none of them were particularly worth writing home about (or blogging about for that matter).

#1 with Cheese - I’m only a fry guy, the fries were pretty decent, but no comparison to Mr. Madrid and could have been a touch crispier.

Where’s the Beef - I always love places that have the holy trinity of fries, tots and rings. I didn’t try the fries, but the tots were crispy on the outside and soft on the inside- pretty close to an ideal tot. The rings, although seemingly pre-made, were also very delicious. My Blue Bell vanilla shake was also top quality.

Ambience – 6.5 out of 10

The inside reminded me of a Lincoln log house. Lots of good Sequoias lost their life to decorate this place with all the wood paneling.

I will say that the place was nice and clean, but there just wasn’t much character. There is a cool loft area, which is where we decided to dine.

We were unaware that our log cabin surrounding also meant replicating the frozen Tundra. The loft had what I can only guess is a super-charged, turbo fan and AC system that would bring German engineering to its knees. I know it’s hard to complain about being cold in the middle of June, but damn, it was frigid. Texas Hamburger Co. needs to move to a more fuel efficient hybrid system to keep its business. My fellow bloggers tended to agree:

# 1 with Cheese - I guess I’ll buy the “neighborhood joint” philosophy but it was entirely ordinary and, even for SA, the fans were out of control. I did like the upstairs and big tables.

Where’s the Beef - Some typical burger joint signage, but not over the top. Wood paneling throughout created a nice atmosphere. I sat under the fan from hell, though. Other than freezing my butt off, it was a pretty nice place.

As you can see, it is sort of difficult to sum up our experience at Texas Hamburger Co. I guess the best description is average. The scores reflect this sentiment as well with all 3 categories receiving a 6.5 out of 10. In the end, THC could use a little TLC. However, Texas Hamburger Co. seems like a proud bunch and wouldn’t want any sort of a bail out. Besides, from the looks of it, the stimulus must be working.

Review #25 - Babe's Old Fashioned Burgers

2009-06-17T08:52:00.012-05:00

Judging by the framed picture in its entryway, Babe's Old Fashioned Burgers appears to have taken as its namesake one of the all time greats, Babe Ruth. The Sultan of Swat led the league in home runs 12 times, slugging percentage 13 times, on base percentage 13 times, runs scored eight times, and runs batted in six times. When he retired, his 714 career home runs were not only the record at the time, but his total was 336 more than the next guy, Lou Gehrig. In other words, the real Babe Ruth never settled for second (or even third) best. Sadly, the same cannot be said for Babe's. This place pointed to the fence, and promptly grounded out to the second baseman.

Babe's is located just inside Loop 410 on Fredericksburg Road, in a nondescript strip mall across from Crossroads Mall (or what's left of Crossroads Mall). Once inside, the classic burger atmosphere is a pleasant surprise.

You order at the counter from an ample menu, and they have lots of other stuff besides burgers. Maybe Babe's needs to get back to basics and offer just a burger and fries (this blog has often found that quantity of offerings does not equal quality of burgers).

The Burger: 5 out of 10. Opinions on the burgers ranged from an 8 ("maybe I was just hungry") to a 3.5 ("truly one of the most disappointing burgers so far"). The meat was fairly bland, and the bun came out soggy for several bloggers. One pickle-loving reviewer complained of getting only one pickle slice, while another reviewer was rewarded with a slop of unrequested and rather "offensive" mayo. This blogger thought it was a decent burger, but definitely middle of the road.

Sides: 4 out of 10. The fries were described by more than one eater as a "soggy mess." Too greasy, with not enough flavoring to offset. The onion rings were "passable." Much like the burgers, the sides were not terrible, but really nothing to write home about.

Ambiance: 6 out of 10. Babe's does look like a true burger joint.

It's got the old wood floors, the crap on the walls, several shelves of cold, bottled beers, and a rather nice patio. A classic burger joint, but again, nothing to make it stand out.

In sum, Babe's is like a solid minor league player. Not terrible, yet definitely not ready for prime time. Mr. Ruth would probably have told Babe's to hang in there, don't give up, and head over to Chris Madrid's if you get hungry.

Review #24 - Chris Madrid's

2009-06-07T20:35:00.042-05:00

At 1900 Blanco Road sits a burger joint that has become legendary in San Antonio. The legend, my friends, is Chris Madrid's. I'd wager that if you polled San Antonians and asked which burger joint in town had the best burger, 9 out of 10 would undoubtedly say Chris Madrid's. With great anticipation, we rounded up our largest group of reviewers yet and headed to Chris Madrid's to see if this burger joint really had the best burger in town.

Chris Madrid's sits in a fairly nondescript building right off of Blanco Road. For the Chris Madrid's first timers out there, the entrance may be a little tricky to find (hint - one of the two entrances is through the gate above). If you come at peak lunch time hours, however, the entrance should be easy enough to spot because the line to order will likely be snaking out the door.

As you can tell by the menu above, they keep the choices to a minimum at Chris Madrid's. Diners have their choice of 7 different hamburgers in either a regular or macho size. As if to discourage patrons from choosing anything other than a burger, the menu indicates that a grilled chicken sandwich (the only non-burger entree option) requires a 15 to 20 minute wait. Clearly, Chris Madrid's means burgers. I'd personally be a little scared to order a chicken sandwich at a serious burger joint - it would be like showing up to a biker rally on a Vespa.

At Chris Madrid's you are just a number, but oh what a lucky number. After placing your order at the counter, you are given a number representing your claim to one of Chris Madrid's famous burgers. Grab a table, sit down and watch the digital counters throughout the restaurant (one is shown at the top of the picture above). Your lucky number is about to come up....

The Burger - 9.5 out of 10

Some people insist that the perfect burger must have a big and juicy hamburger patty, others proclaim that only flame-kissed burgers from the grill can be the best and that burgers cooked on the griddle simply play second fiddle. Still others would argue that a griddled burger captures the essence of the classic American hamburger. Our reviewers have these same varying opinions, and that is just one of the many reasons we average our ratings. At the end of the day, however, we here at the San Antonio Burger Blog believe that it is the combination of all of the burger components (bun, toppings, patty, condiments, etc.) blending together that determines whether a burger is great. Would someone purchase a sports car based solely on the engine without considering other factors such as performance, handling, features, styling, etcetera? We think not. When it comes to the whole burger package, Chris Madrid's nails it.

While the hamburger patty was neither the biggest nor the juiciest that we have had, it was perfectly seasoned and perfectly cooked. The lettuce and diced tomatoes were crisp and fresh, and the amount of condiments that had been placed on the burger was simply ideal. The hamburger bun could be described as nothing less than preternatural. The bun appeared to be infused with butter/grease and shined with an aura that literally caused most of our photos to be oversaturated with light from the reflection. Simply put, all the individual components of our Chris Madrid's burgers came together in perfect harmony.There are several different and great burgers to try at Chris Madrid's - the "Chedder Cheezy" is pictured above. Probably the most well known Madrid's specialty burger is their "Tostada Burger," which is a burger topped with, among other things, refried beans and tortilla chips - some claim that it is the undisputed best bean burger around.

Here's what some of our reviewers had to say about their burgers:

Fry Daddy: "Perfectly seasoned burger, massive amounts of cheddar cheese, deliciously greasy bun and the right proportion of fixings - I am almost ready to proclaim this the perfect burger."

Chief Justice Burger: "The bun tasted like a stick of butter lightly dusted with flour. It melted in my mouth while dousing my hands with grease, but it also amazingly had a freshness to it."

Where's the Beef: "I'm reserving my perfect score for when Jesus returns and decides to cook me a burger, but Chris Madrid's is pretty darn close to what I imagine a Jesus burger would taste like."

Sides 6.5 out of 10

In keeping with its no-nonsense menu selection, Chris Madrid's offers only fries as a side. Onion rings and tater-tots are, sadly, nowhere to be found. While the fries we had were quite delicious, the lack of options really drove the score down.

Fry Daddy stated: "I am usually not a fan of Chris Madrid's fries - in the past they have tended to be too greasy and soggy for my taste - so I was pleasantly surprised when I tasted the fries on today's "official" visit. They were freshly cut, not soggy and just of the right crispiness. I'm not quite ready to give them the gold medal, but they were very good."

Ambiance 9 out of 10

Chris Madrid's has quite the festive ambiance and, in our opinion, shines in this category. One reviewer noted that "Chris Madrid's is the quintessential burger joint. Decorations are unpretentious and eclectic and provide a good deal of local flavor. The T-shirts adorning the walls are a nice change from the typical license plate motif, and reading them makes the time pass quickly so that the wait in line never seems too long."

No love for the Lakers in San Antonio (below).Chris Madrid's is an ideal place for large groups. There is plenty of seating inside, and they have a nice outdoor patio that is perfect for a cool summer night.
We had not seen a Ms. Pac-man/Galaga arcade game since our visit to Fuddruckers a couple of months ago, so we were excited to find this little baby tucked away in the restaurant. It is not quite the Ms. Pac-man/Galaga combo that we've seen in several other burger joints (Fuddruckers, Uncle Barneys, Lucky's and Longhorn Cafe), but it sure is close.
Service - Very Good

This is a classic burger joint, so what would you expect for service? I think the Chief Justice sums it up best, "The service is great - they can spit out literally hundreds of burgers an hour." What more could you want?

Price - Very Reasonable

How much would you be willing to pay for the perfect burger? Surprisingly, you can purchase one for about 5 bucks and some change. Apparently, perfection does have its price.

Chris Madrid's takes the top spot on the burger blog for now, but our mission is to find the best burger and burger joint in San Antonio. The best burger may still be out there, and we won't rest until we've searched every burger joint in town for it.

We still have over 50 burger joints in San Antonio left on our list to try, but up to this point Chris Madrid's is El Rey.

Review #23 - Bunsen Burgers

2009-05-21T18:30:00.030-05:00

Bunsen Burgers is a relatively new burger joint (opened a mere 8 months ago) located near the Rackspace "castle" on I-35. I was eagerly anticipating our trip to Bunsen, as they have, by far, the best website (www.bunsenburgers.com) of any burger place we've been to so far. My giddiness, however, quickly transformed into shattered dreams...

The first thing everyone noticed was how hard it was to find this darn place. It is situated in a fairly run down strip center. In case you get lost, like we did, just look for Sally Beauty Supply and "Gengls Kahn Chinese Mongolian" Grill:

Perhaps Gengls Kahn was Genghis' lesser known brother or cousin. If you couldn't tell from the name and the website, Bunsen has a signature "retro-atomic" vibe going for itself. Have to give Bunsen points for the creative theme, and it definitely sets them apart from the tried and worn road sign decor of most San Antonio Burger Joints. Unfortunately for Bunsen, the idea is there, but the execution seems to be lacking.

Bunsen's interior is fairly sparse, save for the tricked out ordering counter. Bunsen, in line with its retro image, had three turntables behind the counter spinning the old vinyl. Vintage is in, and I always liked the sound of vinyl compared to CDs and MP3s - so points to Bunsen for this little perk. The menu was prominently displayed above the counter, as well as on smaller tablets on the counter (a nice touch for our more senior bloggers, like Burgermeister Meisterburger, who can't see that well anymore). Bunsen was very creative with its burger names, all of which conjure up images of the good ol' "duck and cover" days.

Still trying to figure out what the heck this is supposed to be...

The Burger - 3 out of 10

On to what matters most- the burgers. As you can see from the menu, Bunsen offers an array of non-traditional burger options. One of our bloggers tried Bunsen's version of the increasingly popular burger "shots" (or, as the White Castle fans among us call them, "sliders"). BurgerGal, who rolled the dice on the pint size burgers, commented, "I ordered the mini burgers and they were cute, but blah." I'm sure "cute" is what Bunsen was going for.

Unfortunately, Bunsen's full-size burgers did not equate to full-size taste. First, everyone was universally disappointed with the portion size. The burger was also served in some sort of taste-lacking ciabatta bun, complete with (burnt?) sesame seeds. Things only got worse from there, where the burger itself seemed to be grossly overcooked. I personally found my burger to have the texture and taste of a hockey puck.

The above is a picture of the Bikini Atoll Burger - served with a grilled pineapple, bacon and Swiss Cheese, with some teriyaki flavor thrown in. Again, creative and different idea, but much like the rest of the offerings, lacking in execution. Overall, our bloggers gave the Bunsen burger an average score of 3 out of 10.

Sides - 5 out of 10

The sides were almost as disappointing as the burger. The onion rings were actually quite tasty, and, along with the milkshakes, were one of the few bright spots. The fries (both regular and sweet potato) were tempura-battered. Great idea, in theory, but both variants were severely lacking in flavor. We gave the sides a combined score of 5 out of 10.

Ambience - 6 out of 10

The decor was definitely...different, and while we enjoyed the 1950's retro theme, we could not escape the fact that we were eating in a run down strip mall. Burger Boy put it best when he commented, "The place felt sterile and antiseptic." We gave Bunsen's ambiance a score of 6 out of 10.

Bunsen clearly has the brains to succeed, but, like most pocket-protector wielding, pimple-faced adolescents, simply lacks the brawn needed to stand up to the big burger-boys in town.

Review #22 - Big Bob's Burgers

2009-05-20T22:32:00.015-05:00

Our hopes were high as we approached Big Bob’s Burgers at 2215 Harry Wurzbach Road. It had the classic burger joint look and feel on the outside. It had a yellow tarp sign, a full parking lot and appeared to be housed in a double, no make that a single-wide, trailer.

As you enter the vestibule (who knew a single-wide could have a vestibule?), you are immediately greeted by a menu showing Big Bob's wares . . .

a bulletin board displaying things important to Big Bob . . .

and a sliding glass window behind which Big Bob himself was grilling up the meat!

However, as we snapped away at pictures, we began to draw attention. As I approached a second glass window which serves as the ordering counter, Little Bob (the cashier, who I think may be Big Bob’s little brother or son) says, “Why the hell are you taking pictures? You and your ilk can get the hell out of my restaurant!”

Actually, that only happened inside my head, which seems to create conspiracy theories very much on its own ever since the group went to the communist watering hole “Che’s Chicken and Burgers” (only pinko-commies would serve chicken at a burger joint). In reality, Big Bob displayed a mere curiosity about the reasons for our picture-taking. Nonetheless, my suspicion radar was up, so as I explained our desire to find the perfect San Antonio burger and our corresponding world-renowned burger blog, I quickly implemented a second-level of identity protection, by developing aliases for our aliases.

“I am ‘Kevin Bacon Cheeseburger’ (Burgermeister) and these are my friends ‘#2 with Cheese’ (#1 with Cheese), ‘Scallopini’ (Prefers His Tots Tatered), and ‘Mad Cow’ (BurgerGal). We would like to sample and evaluate your cuisine.” That seemed to satisfy Big Bob and he went back to his grilling duties with a smile on his face.

Ambiance - 5 out of 10

We placed our order and went out to the back patio, seeing as how it was a glorious San Antonio afternoon. Our hearts sunk as we found this first glaring fault of Big Bob’s. Their outdoor dining options suck!

Justice Warren E. . . . . whoops, I mean “Peppermint ‘Beef’ Patty” put it best when he/she wrote:
“They need to . . . work on the outdoor patio, which was probably the worst patio I've ever experienced in my life. I didn't think it was possible to screw up a patio that bad. The door was falling apart, the air conditioner was spewing water (making one of the tables uninhabitable), and there was no roof or even umbrellas - so the sun was beating down in your face. There were also tons of flies and ants, and a generous amount of bird crap on the table we settled into. To top it off, it was surrounded by a tall fence, and stuck in the middle of an ugly parking lot. The only reason I didn't give the ambiance a lower rating, was that it failed so spectacularly that it did qualify as a great dive. If you are going to be a hole in the wall, you might as well swing for the fence.

"Overall, I would go back here, but only if I never ever have to go outside to that patio again. I can feel the swine flu coming on already. Cough, cough…”

We moved back inside. While the single-wide theme would make for great burger joint ambiance, I noticed that it was nearly devoid of wall décor. I think it is due to the fact that Big Bob sold all the décor last Christmas and put it into Christmas lights (which are still up) and a giant flat screen TV that was hanging on the far wall.

Burgers – 7.0 out of 10

There was quite a bit of discrepancy on the burger ratings (I think this was due to the fact that some burgers were undercooked), but on average the rating came out pretty high. In terms of seasoning, bun, fresh toppings and presentation, the burger scored high. So close, Big Bob; just cook the damn things!

Scallopini - “Now that's a mighty tasty burger. Meat was not frozen and cooked to perfection and the buns were nicely toasted with a slight grease coating. Plus, all the trimmings tasted very fresh. The burger is definitely one of SA's best.”

Where is the Meat of Cow for My Mouth? (a.k.a. Where’s the Beef?) - “My burger was pretty good, but I don’t think this place belongs in the upper echelon of SA burger joints. Amazingly, even though it was a thin-style burger, the burger came out a little undercooked. Thank God we’re only dealing with swine flu, instead of cow flu…”

I got the same undercooked burger (even though I requested mine to be medium well done), but I have to admit the first bite was quite tasty, and I devoured the entire burger with pleasure, all the while knowing that my stout German gastro-intestinal system would likely suffer for it later in the afternoon.

Below is a picture of a well cooked Big Bob’s Burger:

Sides – 9.5 out of 10

The best combination of sides we have come across so far. They scored perfect 10’s from several reviewers and nobody rated below an 8.5. Scallopini (who is quite an eloquent young man – at least when it comes to discussing meat and fried foods) summed it up the best:

“You know you're in for a treat when upon entering, you watch the cooks hand batter the onion rings in the kitchen. I can honestly say that not only are these onion rings the best so far in our burger blog journey, but they just might be the best I've ever had. Plus, the hand cut fries and tater tots were cooked to perfection and seasoned nicely.”

The tots were so good that even God shone his light down on them:

One last point about Big Bob’s. It is right next to Fort Sam and has a steady following of our troops.

I figure that any place that caters to and pleases our armed forces deserves the benefit of the doubt. So I suggest our readers make the trip to Big Bob’s, order a full complement of sides and their burgers WELL DONE, and find a seat INSIDE. While you’re there, I also suggest you buy a round of rings for a table of men and women in green to thank them for their service to our country. God Bless America and Big Bob’s Tots and Rings!

Review #21 - Luther's

2009-05-15T20:58:00.092-05:00

Our citywide burger jaunt landed us next at Luther’s.

Luther's just might be the happiest hamburger joint in town. Rainbow beer signs adorn the walls; the predominantly male staff is friendly and attentive; and the bright red interior and multicolored light strings on the patio have helped transform this old burger joint into the Copacabana for the late nite crowd.

If you still have doubts, just take one look at Luther’s peppy duo, Siegfried and Roy. They’ve been hanging here for 60 years and are still tickled pink.

Luther’s is located on Main just north of downtown, right across the street from colorful local hotspots Heat and the Saint, making this intersection the hub of happiness for the quirky downtown crowd.

In fact, according to the Luther's website, Luther's and the Heat are partners. Though it's not exactly clear what brought about this unconventional pairing, things seem to be going well for the couple. According to its website, Luther's is open 7 days a week, from 11 a.m. to 3 a.m., and even later on Friday and Saturday. I guess a long night of sweaty dancing in a crowded bohemian nightclub really puts some guys in the mood for a burger.

The Burger - 5 out of 10

The Burger at Luther's looks like it might be one of the best burgers you've ever had. But looks can be deceiving, and in this case they were. As Hamburglar put it, "The burger looked like it was going to be great, but it was one of the blandest burgers I have ever had. It reminded me of the lyrics from the Aerosmith song, Dude Looks Like a Lady - 'Never judge a book by its cover.'" Burger Boy concurred, in his usual eloquent fashion: "The meat was big and juicy, but it lacked flavor."

I've been to Luther's several times before, and in that time have had several misses but enough hits that I keep coming back, hoping to see this little burger joint realize its potential by serving me a spectacular burger. Unfortunately, this time it didn't happen.

Sides - 5 out of 10

Luther's offers regular fries, sweet potato fries and tater tots, but rings are not available. Overall, regular fries succeeded best at putting our parade of reviewers in a gleeful mood (although one reviewer found them to be too crispy). BurgerGal provided the following enlightening description: "MY FRIES WERE GOOD."

We have noticed many of our recently reviewed burger joints hopping on the sweet potato fry bandwagon. I personally love the little critters, so I went ahead and gave Luther's sweet potato fries a try. The fries looked pretty but lacked flavor, to my great disappointment.

With regard to the tater tots, Hamburglar commented, "It is really hard to mess up tots, but somehow Luther's pulled it off." More Cheese Please remarked that the tots gave her flashbacks of her middle school cafeteria, bearded lunch lady and all.

The only "sides" that received consistently high marks from our reviewers were the shakes, so next time you're at Luther's be sure to spring for one.

Ambiance - 6.5 out of 10

Luther's shines most in terms of ambiance, which is perhaps one reason why we keep coming back. While I believe "happy" is the term that most aptly describes the restaurant and its patrons, the mood at Luther's has alternatively been described as "blithe," "frolicsome," "jovial," "peppy" and "perky." While the atmosphere at Luther's is somewhat unconventional in comparison with other burger joints we frequent, maybe even to the point of seeming a bit flamboyant, some find the difference refreshing. Burger Boy, for instance, seemed to relish the Luther's milieu, proclaiming loudly and proudly, "I give it a five for festive!"

Another benefit of dining at Luther's is that with all of the rainbows and palm trees, you are apt to feel that you are dining in the Aloha State instead of downtown San Antonio.

Luther's benefits from having a great covered patio area. More Cheese Please noted that "the atmosphere would have been a lot better with a longneck in hand," and regretted immensely having to return to work rather than lounging outside among Luther's eclectic clientele.

Luther's has been around a long time, as the jocund hamburger pictured on its menu makes a point of proclaiming . . .

and the restaurant has carefully preserved its heritage by keeping the original wooden bar (complete with vintage barstools). This also affords customers an open view of the grill (one should worry when a burger joint hides this).

One more note on heritage. Luther's makes a point of letting members of the female persuasion know they are welcome, lest any male bonding on the premises should create doubts about this.

However, should such ladies stop by the powder room during their visit, they will encounter on Luther's "Wall of History" (located between the men's and women's restrooms in the back of the restaurant) a picture of Mr. Luther himself (at least I presume that's who this is):

I am not a lady, but this picture scared the crap out of me and made me want to run from the restaurant screaming like a little girl. I can understand why management keeps this picture in the back of the restaurant, as it would otherwise annihilate the merry mood prevailing amount the restaurant's patrons.

Alas, in the end, a festive atmosphere cannot compensate for mostly lackluster food. Luther's seems to have all of the right ingredients for a great burger joint, but it somehow misses the mark. That being said, Luther's still has a mysterious yet undeniable appeal, and I will probably be back a couple of months from now, even if just for a shake and some good people watching.

Review #20: Chunky's Burgers & More

2009-05-11T18:01:00.023-05:00

"The Outlier"

If you like a solid burger, stray cats, and Texas country music, Chunky's is the place for you. Although the place was inside 410 (on Callaghan), the view was nothing but trees due to the lack of development around Chunky's, which made it seem more remote than it was. Some of the 09ers in the group actually thought we were in Kerrville because of the country-like surroundings (they lose all sense of time and direction when you take them outside the bubble).

Flying in the face of our country's bleak economic times, Chunky's is putting America back to work one burger at a time. Hopefully the new unemployment figures will reflect Chunky's optimism.

Burger: 7.0 out of 10.

Most bloggers rated the burger above average but one blogger was a true outlier in his love for the Chunky's burger. Overall the bloggers felt the burger was solid, good sized, and moderately priced. A good overall value.

The buns came lightly buttered causing the burger to shine in the South Texas sun.

Sides: 6.0 out of 10: Not much to report in the way of sides, ordinary being the most apt description. One interesting option was "Frings" a half order of fries and onion rings, perfect for the less decisive bloggers. The rings looked promising but didn't quite live up to expectations.

Ambience: 8.5 out of 10. Chunky's rated highest in this category and deservedly so. You don't feel like you are inside 410 while at Chunky's. Make sure you go on a nice day and eat on the patio.

You can also make friends with the cats who have taken up residence at Chunky's.

If you like Texas Country music you will love Chunky's patio. I've spent a good deal of my life in beer joints and Chunky's has one of the best mixes I have heard.

Overall Chunky's has a good, if not great, burger in a great setting. The service was excellent, possibly because the owner / manager asked us why we rolled into his idllyic burger joint, cameras in tow, like the paparazzi at a Lindsay Lohan premiere. Enjoy Chunky's patio, music, and burgers; skip the sides and wash it down with a cold beer.

Review #19: Fuddruckers

2009-04-28T21:50:00.012-05:00

According to the Fuddruckers website, this national burger chain started in 1980 in San Antonio, by a man who "hungered for perfection in an imperfect world", yet "all he found were warmed-over compromises between bland slices of bread. Finding mediocrity unacceptable, he took a wrong and made it right. He took the frozen and made it fresh. He built his own burger and his own burger place right in the heart of San Antonio, Texas." If this guy is still out there seeking burger perfection, he needs to head back to the heart of San Antonio and clean up the mediocre mess that has become the original Fuddruckers.

Tucked away behind aging office buildings near Loop 410 and Broadway, the original Fuddruckers is a place that many burger bloggers remember from their childhood. But unlike a fine wine, this joint did not get better with age.

Burger: 6 out of 10. This rating seems high, given that most of the bloggers' reviews were negative. In Fudd's favor is a large condiment bar where you can make your own burger. One blogger said, "It's hard to go wrong with a do it yourself burger, but somehow Fuddruckers just misses the mark." Also appreciated was the hot melted cheese. Several bloggers commented on the soggy bun. My bun was admittedly soggy, but I think that was because I slopped about a gallon of melted cheese onto it. Mmmm, melted cheese.

Sides: 5 out of 10. The fries were very average - thick, with a decent amount of seasoning, but also not very hot. The onion rings were the frozen kind. They were also thick, but with little to no seasoning.

We should give Fudds props for a great milkshake that was housed in quite possibly the perfect milkshake glass.

The tots were nonexistent, which is becoming an alarming trend with SA burger joints. The burger blog probably needs to put this issue to the San Antonio voters in the future. As with our inadequate public transportation system, the City of San Antonio will never able to compete as a global city unless it improves its quantity and quality of tater tots.

Ambiance: 4 out of 10. Sticky floors, harsh lighting, and a pungent odor come to mind - Fudds ambiance was pretty bad. Prefers His Tots Tatered observed, "It seemed like they were going for a sports theme, and then just got lazy and threw some crap on the wall." Or maybe, "the other Fuddruckers raided this location for decorations," wondered Fry Daddy. Burger Boy, eloquent as always, said "In my opinion, it was dirty and smelled funny."

The bloggers did appreciate the video games, especially Galaga.

Now, the burger blog does not have a formal category for price (although most of my fellow bloggers seem to consistently forget this fact). But for this place, I had to include price as a category, because it was so outlandish. The price was variously called "insane", "expensive", and "ridiculous." Prefers His Tots Tatered also smartly observed, "I don't know if I understand the price ratings."

Fudds did have a great combo, but its greatness did not lie in the price, but rather the fact that you could substitute a beer for a soft drink for no extra charge. Perhaps that's the new Fuddruckers strategy: "Our burgers are bad, but our beer is cheap." Now that's a burger innovation to be proud of.